I have been telling my boss that I need more responsibility and thus more money. Well, I received the promotion but not the money. At first, I was crushed. I asked since I am trying to get out of a debt from a previous business, and I am trying to save for a mission (both worthy? goals) why would I not receive a raise to help in these worthy goals.
I spent an hour away from work trying to figure it out. What had I done? Why can't I make inroads in my debt? How come the debt weighs so heavily on my shoulders? No matter what I try, nothing seems to work and we muddle along paying little, by measly little on our debt. A raise would immediately help us further our goals along our road to financial freedom getting us out of financial bondage.
Finally, I listened to the Spirit telling me that I should quit worrying about my debt. I need to follow our plan for getting rid of our debt, and leave it in Father's hand. It is like me trying to stop the Mississippi River with my tiny hand. He knows where we are. He knows our goals. He knows our desires to quickly get out of debt and save for a mission. If one person (my boss) decides to give me more responsibility and also decides not to pay me for it, so be it. Father knows my boss also. My boss is His son and there are things going on that I do not know about. Leave it with Father!
He is in charge and will help us get out of debt according to HIS plan, His timing, not mine, not any boss, nor anyone else. Why do I let mortal men, or the decisions of others influence me so much that I get frustrated and sad that things didn't go as I wanted them to, and I lament and complain.
I wish I could remember this Eternal Principle rather than let things like this bother me. Guess I am still learning and will experience this over and over again until I learn it and have it printed in my mind with a large marker that will never fade, nor go away.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
DAY 284 --- Dreams are Ageless, or Should Be!
An acquaintance at work asked me where I heard the quotation from Elder Holland. You see, I have it printed and hanging near my desk at work, and again near my desk at home. I replied that I had no idea, but I knew that Elder Holland had given it at BYU.
He did his magic, (for I am almost totally illiterate when it comes to computer and all they can do) and found out that Elder Holland made that quote during a talk at BYU while he was President. It was in 1983, almost thirty years ago. He was teaching the students at the Y about dreaming, realizing dreams and working toward them. It was appropriate counsel for students just starting out in life.
I guess in a way, I am just starting out in life. I feel old, tired, and worn in my young age. But I feel I am working toward a dream where I am going to start out preaching the gospel, or helping further the work of the Kingdom in some part of the world.
Unfortunately I have met many people who are close to my age who are not just starting out in life, they are just finishing up in life. They feel they are done growing, done serving, done learning. They enjoy the travelling life, the retirement, and the ease that they have "earned" through the many years of work, saving, struggling, and winning so they can now "finish" up in life.
I certainly hope I will never retire, get done with life, serving, learning, growing, for I have too much to do, I know so little, and have too many things to give, have my testimony to share too many places, etc. Though my body is tired and sore most of the time, I have a young mind, heart, and my dreams are young, and I will work toward them even more at this age than ever before. Though I am not ageless, I am young in my quest for dreams.
He did his magic, (for I am almost totally illiterate when it comes to computer and all they can do) and found out that Elder Holland made that quote during a talk at BYU while he was President. It was in 1983, almost thirty years ago. He was teaching the students at the Y about dreaming, realizing dreams and working toward them. It was appropriate counsel for students just starting out in life.
I guess in a way, I am just starting out in life. I feel old, tired, and worn in my young age. But I feel I am working toward a dream where I am going to start out preaching the gospel, or helping further the work of the Kingdom in some part of the world.
Unfortunately I have met many people who are close to my age who are not just starting out in life, they are just finishing up in life. They feel they are done growing, done serving, done learning. They enjoy the travelling life, the retirement, and the ease that they have "earned" through the many years of work, saving, struggling, and winning so they can now "finish" up in life.
I certainly hope I will never retire, get done with life, serving, learning, growing, for I have too much to do, I know so little, and have too many things to give, have my testimony to share too many places, etc. Though my body is tired and sore most of the time, I have a young mind, heart, and my dreams are young, and I will work toward them even more at this age than ever before. Though I am not ageless, I am young in my quest for dreams.
Monday, August 29, 2011
DAY 285 --- Learning From the Trials of Others
When Wendy read what I wrote yesterday, she was totally humble. She responded to my email telling me that anything she was, anything that I had learned from her example was totally because of Father. She wanted no recognition for her endurance of the trial she lives with. She wanted to no one to praise her or to say anything about how they are amazed at how she endures. She wanted all the glory, the praise to Father because He is the one teaching her, and through her, me and so many others.
She reminds me of Steve Simpson who passed away a year or two ago. He had multiple sclerosis. He found out about it when he was in the service. Bonnie and I met Steve and Kaye in about 1979. He was just beginning to realize some of the major health problems with that ugly disease.
We watched Steve and Kaye through the coming years and marvelled and continued to be taught on how Steve endured his MS, and how Kaye continued to serve him until the end. Bon and I often mentioned how privileged we were to have known those two. Their acceptance of the MS and their endurance until the disease took Steve home to our Father taught so many lessons we both needed to learn. Both were examples to us through those years.
I guess if I try to put into words the feelings and thoughts I have about Wendy and Steve and Kaye, I guess Father often permits dear Celestial souls in our paths, lets them endure difficult trials and one of the reasons why is to see if those who have not been similarly afflicted can learn lessons from them.
I hope by watching, learning from and striving to serve those in that arena in my life, I can indeed learn from them as Father would like me to. The list of lessons cannot be specified, but there are a multitude of them. Thank you Father for knowing what is best for me, and helping me learn from others.
She reminds me of Steve Simpson who passed away a year or two ago. He had multiple sclerosis. He found out about it when he was in the service. Bonnie and I met Steve and Kaye in about 1979. He was just beginning to realize some of the major health problems with that ugly disease.
We watched Steve and Kaye through the coming years and marvelled and continued to be taught on how Steve endured his MS, and how Kaye continued to serve him until the end. Bon and I often mentioned how privileged we were to have known those two. Their acceptance of the MS and their endurance until the disease took Steve home to our Father taught so many lessons we both needed to learn. Both were examples to us through those years.
I guess if I try to put into words the feelings and thoughts I have about Wendy and Steve and Kaye, I guess Father often permits dear Celestial souls in our paths, lets them endure difficult trials and one of the reasons why is to see if those who have not been similarly afflicted can learn lessons from them.
I hope by watching, learning from and striving to serve those in that arena in my life, I can indeed learn from them as Father would like me to. The list of lessons cannot be specified, but there are a multitude of them. Thank you Father for knowing what is best for me, and helping me learn from others.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
DAY 286 --- CONSTANTLY
Our stake president came to our sacrament meeting today. He was there to invite us to Stake Conference coming in two weeks. But after he invited the ward to come to Stake Conference, he presented a talk to us.
He said in his talk that Father is "continually sending us inspiration." A few weeks ago, I blogged about the Still Small Voice and how we need to make a place in our mind for that SSV. But today when he bore witness that Father is continually sending us inspiration at every turn of the day, in every minute of the day, it made me realize that I am not always listening.
He said that we should always be listening, always be looking for direction, inspiration, and direction. He said that Father was never far from us, that Father was interested in every thing that goes on in our life. If we do not hear those nuggets of inspiration, it is our problem, for Father is always sending them.
I have noticed more than I used to, but not continually. I felt a special presence during our sacrament meeting today as we sang a special song. I felt that sweet direction a few times this last week. I felt that direction twice today thinking about the coming week, when I was trying to create my week spiritually before it happens in reality.
I am sure this would be a good thing to develop before we go on our mission, being directed constantly by that sweet SSV, or the voice from Father, since He is as close to us as we permit him to be.
I know this is a lofty goal and I know I shan't be successful all the time listening to that whisper, but it is something to try, right? It could be part of our plans to go on a mission in about nine months. Father sends feelings, insights constantly to us. We will be better missionaries if we can be led constantly, right?
He said in his talk that Father is "continually sending us inspiration." A few weeks ago, I blogged about the Still Small Voice and how we need to make a place in our mind for that SSV. But today when he bore witness that Father is continually sending us inspiration at every turn of the day, in every minute of the day, it made me realize that I am not always listening.
He said that we should always be listening, always be looking for direction, inspiration, and direction. He said that Father was never far from us, that Father was interested in every thing that goes on in our life. If we do not hear those nuggets of inspiration, it is our problem, for Father is always sending them.
I have noticed more than I used to, but not continually. I felt a special presence during our sacrament meeting today as we sang a special song. I felt that sweet direction a few times this last week. I felt that direction twice today thinking about the coming week, when I was trying to create my week spiritually before it happens in reality.
I am sure this would be a good thing to develop before we go on our mission, being directed constantly by that sweet SSV, or the voice from Father, since He is as close to us as we permit him to be.
I know this is a lofty goal and I know I shan't be successful all the time listening to that whisper, but it is something to try, right? It could be part of our plans to go on a mission in about nine months. Father sends feelings, insights constantly to us. We will be better missionaries if we can be led constantly, right?
Saturday, August 27, 2011
DAY 287 --- Wendy Partridge
Of late, I have been writing on lessons I am learning which will make me a better missionary. The goal, dream of receiving a mission call is still vibrant and alive, and I think of it often, but some of these experiences are so poignant that I felt I should record these eternal lessons.
I have a cousin who has a daughter who is a very wonderful example to me. She has a physical affliction that she has lived with for quite some time. In talking with her father, she is not too long in this mortality. I have shared a few emails with her and by that means I have felt very impressed, taught, and impressed with her and her attitude.
As I have listened to her wisdom in these emails, I wish I could be as wise as she is. She has come to an understanding with her Father that the pains and the trials she is experiencing are for her good and she endures them as I wish I could endure all my lesser trials and challenges. She is prepared to meet her Maker and Jesus Christ. She has an understanding of the atonement which baffles me and my own limited understanding. She willingly shares these insights with those who will open their ears and listen.
She recently spoke at the funeral of a cousin of mine where she taught the gospel with wisdom, knowledge, and spiritual inspiration. She impressed us all with her words and her spirit.
She is about half my age and has had this physical challenge for many years, and it is a blessing to her to endure, learn, and share with others the lessons the unseen spirits are teaching her. She continues to amaze me when she shares her knowledge of our gospel. She is a great influence to others and, at least in my opinion, is prepared to meet Father.
I pay tribute to Wendy Partridge for the example she is and the wisdom, peace, and knowledge she has, and often shares. She is one of my hero's, one I want to emulate.
I have a cousin who has a daughter who is a very wonderful example to me. She has a physical affliction that she has lived with for quite some time. In talking with her father, she is not too long in this mortality. I have shared a few emails with her and by that means I have felt very impressed, taught, and impressed with her and her attitude.
As I have listened to her wisdom in these emails, I wish I could be as wise as she is. She has come to an understanding with her Father that the pains and the trials she is experiencing are for her good and she endures them as I wish I could endure all my lesser trials and challenges. She is prepared to meet her Maker and Jesus Christ. She has an understanding of the atonement which baffles me and my own limited understanding. She willingly shares these insights with those who will open their ears and listen.
She recently spoke at the funeral of a cousin of mine where she taught the gospel with wisdom, knowledge, and spiritual inspiration. She impressed us all with her words and her spirit.
She is about half my age and has had this physical challenge for many years, and it is a blessing to her to endure, learn, and share with others the lessons the unseen spirits are teaching her. She continues to amaze me when she shares her knowledge of our gospel. She is a great influence to others and, at least in my opinion, is prepared to meet Father.
I pay tribute to Wendy Partridge for the example she is and the wisdom, peace, and knowledge she has, and often shares. She is one of my hero's, one I want to emulate.
Friday, August 26, 2011
DAY 288 --- Good Morning
As I began my day trying to create it spiritually before I lived it, I decided to enter today with the desire to uplift those around me. I read my scriptures, prayed with Bonnie and set off to work a bit early.
As I arrived at work, I greeted the first person I saw with a big smile and a cherry "hello." Then as the other employees began to file into work, I tried to do the same with everyone. I smiled, greeted, joked around, complimented others, and even expressed my joy in the day.
Before long I was feeling what I was living. I acted happy, joyful, peaceful with others, and then the day turned out that way.
One guy came in and I said, "Good morning Clarke." He replied, "What do you mean good morning. How is it good?" I replied as he walked down the hall, "Clarke, make it a good morning, make it a good day, you can do it!"
Later when I saw him, he seemed to have a better look on his face and seemed to me to be happy and content. Whether my comments to him did anything or not, it made me happy, and made me decide to make today a happy day.
There were a few minutes, or hours where I felt tired, bored at what I was doing, but during those moments, I recommitted to make it a good day, rededicated my attitude to enjoying my day, and it turned out great. I decided that I was the master of my attitude, my outlook, and my feelings. No one else was going to dictate how I felt, how I acted around others, and how I met and worked with others.
I tried and was successful in making my day as I spiritually created it this morning, a good morning.
As I arrived at work, I greeted the first person I saw with a big smile and a cherry "hello." Then as the other employees began to file into work, I tried to do the same with everyone. I smiled, greeted, joked around, complimented others, and even expressed my joy in the day.
Before long I was feeling what I was living. I acted happy, joyful, peaceful with others, and then the day turned out that way.
One guy came in and I said, "Good morning Clarke." He replied, "What do you mean good morning. How is it good?" I replied as he walked down the hall, "Clarke, make it a good morning, make it a good day, you can do it!"
Later when I saw him, he seemed to have a better look on his face and seemed to me to be happy and content. Whether my comments to him did anything or not, it made me happy, and made me decide to make today a happy day.
There were a few minutes, or hours where I felt tired, bored at what I was doing, but during those moments, I recommitted to make it a good day, rededicated my attitude to enjoying my day, and it turned out great. I decided that I was the master of my attitude, my outlook, and my feelings. No one else was going to dictate how I felt, how I acted around others, and how I met and worked with others.
I tried and was successful in making my day as I spiritually created it this morning, a good morning.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
DAY 289 -- Zombie Day
It is so comforting to know that we are not alone in this life. The influences of the adversary are seen on every side. I hesitate to look at any magazine, see any trailer for any movie, look at the covers of books, listen to the nightly news, let alone the soaps on television, I see him everywhere.
Since we can see his influence everywhere, we must conclude that he is striving to influence everyone in some way or another. Today, at work, I found myself sort of like in a mist. I would assume that I followed his lead to NOT influence others. I was not happy. I was not depressed. I was just going through the motions of my responsibilities at work. I knew what I had to do and went about doing it.
When I answered the phone, or when I greeted some of my coworkers, I just said, "Hi" and all those things we usually say. Then I realized I was a zombie. Anyone can go through a day of work or a day of play or any day being a zombie. We are programmed to do the same thing every day. It is easy to be a zombie and just do what is required of us. When I looked at myself, most of the day was gone, my co workers had left, and I felt I had missed the opportunity of uplifting them, smiling at them, and being joyful in their presence.
When I thought about my zombie-ness, or my zombie-ity, I realized I had failed. I have many blessings. I have much to be grateful for and I should never be a zombie. I felt that sweet spirit, the SSV touch my mind and criticize me a tiny bit. I was chastened that I had the responsibility of being not a zombie, but a loving, caring, outgoing, gregarious person to greet everyone, enlighten their day, and find and show hope in my future.
That still small voice is there to help us, but unfortunately, it lies dormant when we do not feed it, listen to it, and remember it. It will help us as much as we let it. Tomorrow will be better for I will strive to listen to that SSV, which is building a home in my mind, and I need to listen to It's whispers.
Since we can see his influence everywhere, we must conclude that he is striving to influence everyone in some way or another. Today, at work, I found myself sort of like in a mist. I would assume that I followed his lead to NOT influence others. I was not happy. I was not depressed. I was just going through the motions of my responsibilities at work. I knew what I had to do and went about doing it.
When I answered the phone, or when I greeted some of my coworkers, I just said, "Hi" and all those things we usually say. Then I realized I was a zombie. Anyone can go through a day of work or a day of play or any day being a zombie. We are programmed to do the same thing every day. It is easy to be a zombie and just do what is required of us. When I looked at myself, most of the day was gone, my co workers had left, and I felt I had missed the opportunity of uplifting them, smiling at them, and being joyful in their presence.
When I thought about my zombie-ness, or my zombie-ity, I realized I had failed. I have many blessings. I have much to be grateful for and I should never be a zombie. I felt that sweet spirit, the SSV touch my mind and criticize me a tiny bit. I was chastened that I had the responsibility of being not a zombie, but a loving, caring, outgoing, gregarious person to greet everyone, enlighten their day, and find and show hope in my future.
That still small voice is there to help us, but unfortunately, it lies dormant when we do not feed it, listen to it, and remember it. It will help us as much as we let it. Tomorrow will be better for I will strive to listen to that SSV, which is building a home in my mind, and I need to listen to It's whispers.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
DAY 290 --- Evaluation
It's been 75 days since we started this concentrated effort to work toward our mission in June. I believe it is time to evaluate progress, changes, and failures of this dream.
In our spiritual aspect, I believe we are doing well. We read the Book of Mormon every day, and another small book of scriptural thoughts from the Bible. We often refer to those things we read. I feel my Sabbath Day observance and my dedication to my covenants are doing well. I try to go to the temple every week. Thus, at least in this avenue, I feel we are doing well.
Weight. I have struggled off and on during the last 75 days. There were days when I felt totally defeated. I am about where I started but I have lost three pounds. WOW. That is about one eighty fourth pound every day, or in other words, almost nothing. But it is still a goal, one that I often think about, but often do not do anything about. Need to get better here.
Debt. We continue to follow a detailed schedule to be out of debt in 290 days. We are strict on what we spend, often saying no to a desire. We even have a few dollars each to spend as we need to, personal things each month. But other than that, we are making progress, of which gives us a good feeling of accomplishment.
Other goals and dreams that I have thought about, tried, and pursued have totally died. I have some that I want to do, but do not feel the motivation to do them, like writing that musical about the creation of the National Anthem. Another one about creating a Cougar Coupon book has suffered set back after set back, thus I am putting this on the almost forgotten dream. I continue to pray for other ideas, but nothing so far.
I feel Father is pleased with our progress. I know He is using many different circumstances to each lessons, some of which I am slow to learn, but still trying. But we are still dedicated to being ready and worthy of a mission call next June.
In our spiritual aspect, I believe we are doing well. We read the Book of Mormon every day, and another small book of scriptural thoughts from the Bible. We often refer to those things we read. I feel my Sabbath Day observance and my dedication to my covenants are doing well. I try to go to the temple every week. Thus, at least in this avenue, I feel we are doing well.
Weight. I have struggled off and on during the last 75 days. There were days when I felt totally defeated. I am about where I started but I have lost three pounds. WOW. That is about one eighty fourth pound every day, or in other words, almost nothing. But it is still a goal, one that I often think about, but often do not do anything about. Need to get better here.
Debt. We continue to follow a detailed schedule to be out of debt in 290 days. We are strict on what we spend, often saying no to a desire. We even have a few dollars each to spend as we need to, personal things each month. But other than that, we are making progress, of which gives us a good feeling of accomplishment.
Other goals and dreams that I have thought about, tried, and pursued have totally died. I have some that I want to do, but do not feel the motivation to do them, like writing that musical about the creation of the National Anthem. Another one about creating a Cougar Coupon book has suffered set back after set back, thus I am putting this on the almost forgotten dream. I continue to pray for other ideas, but nothing so far.
I feel Father is pleased with our progress. I know He is using many different circumstances to each lessons, some of which I am slow to learn, but still trying. But we are still dedicated to being ready and worthy of a mission call next June.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
DAY 291 -- Welcome To Mortality Rachel
I just returned from visiting my daughter who just gave birth to our 17th grand daughter. It is amazing to me to see those little infants who just left Heavenly Father start to understand how to get used to the challenges of learning what a body is. I looked at that little girl and wondered what was happening right before she made the journey into mortality.
I wonder if there was a party, or a mourning session. I wonder if she just received a foreordination on her journey down here. I wonder if she was talking with Mother and Father before she left. I wonder.
Often, as I stare at an infant, they seem to stare at something within the room that I cannot see. I wonder if it is a visiting spirit from the other world. I wonder if it is someone teaching her things for learning to become mortal.
I often stare at an infant, and they seem to stare back at me, and in my mind they are trying to converse with me through their mind. I don't get anything out of that communication, but I do feel that there is some sort of communication from those little ones to me.
I love to observe little ones who have just come down from the Pre-Earth life and are starting in this life. I wish I could commune with them. In third Nephi, it says of a time when the mouths of babes were opened and they spoke un speakable things. That would be wonderful, for I feel that all of them could if it was beneficial to Father's plan.
Welcome to Mortality Rachel.
I wonder if there was a party, or a mourning session. I wonder if she just received a foreordination on her journey down here. I wonder if she was talking with Mother and Father before she left. I wonder.
Often, as I stare at an infant, they seem to stare at something within the room that I cannot see. I wonder if it is a visiting spirit from the other world. I wonder if it is someone teaching her things for learning to become mortal.
I often stare at an infant, and they seem to stare back at me, and in my mind they are trying to converse with me through their mind. I don't get anything out of that communication, but I do feel that there is some sort of communication from those little ones to me.
I love to observe little ones who have just come down from the Pre-Earth life and are starting in this life. I wish I could commune with them. In third Nephi, it says of a time when the mouths of babes were opened and they spoke un speakable things. That would be wonderful, for I feel that all of them could if it was beneficial to Father's plan.
Welcome to Mortality Rachel.
Monday, August 22, 2011
DAY 292 --- Memory Does Not Work Too Well These Days, Pegleg.
I am sure you all have heard the joke concerned the lady with one leg, or guy with one leg. Remember the punch line which says, Pegleg, Pegleg. I wish I could remember the joke and not just the punch line, but there is a joke about pegleg. Do you remember it?
Well the joke is very innocent but may cause one to laugh. It must not have been that great a joke or I would remember it. However everyone around me disagrees with that cause I can't remember any jokes, just portions of them which means I cannot tell anyone a joke without destroying it.
We have this tradition in our family to quote "Movie Quotes" and then ask the others in the room, 'What movie?" My whole family will tell you I ALWAYS quote them wrong. I don't ever quote them exactly as they should be quoted, thus whenever I am the originator of the Movie Quote, rather than say this is a movie quote, I have to say (my kids dictated this) Movie Moments. Then everyone knows that I can't remember the exact quote and thus it is just a movie moment that is never totally correct.
Well getting back to my lack of memory, you would be pleased to know that the joke I cannot remember had the punch line of Pegleg. Well, Sam and I go to the temple usually every Tuesday, and I just was going through my names and I found this card for a dearly departed person, male personage named, and I kid you not, and it is not a movie moment, it is really his name, "Pegleg Scofield."
Who would name their kid Pegleg? He was born in Massachusetts in 1779. Really. I will face this brother's wrath one day in making light of his name, I am sure, but it did give me a bit of a laugh. Pegleg Scofield. Sorry Pegleg.
Well the joke is very innocent but may cause one to laugh. It must not have been that great a joke or I would remember it. However everyone around me disagrees with that cause I can't remember any jokes, just portions of them which means I cannot tell anyone a joke without destroying it.
We have this tradition in our family to quote "Movie Quotes" and then ask the others in the room, 'What movie?" My whole family will tell you I ALWAYS quote them wrong. I don't ever quote them exactly as they should be quoted, thus whenever I am the originator of the Movie Quote, rather than say this is a movie quote, I have to say (my kids dictated this) Movie Moments. Then everyone knows that I can't remember the exact quote and thus it is just a movie moment that is never totally correct.
Well getting back to my lack of memory, you would be pleased to know that the joke I cannot remember had the punch line of Pegleg. Well, Sam and I go to the temple usually every Tuesday, and I just was going through my names and I found this card for a dearly departed person, male personage named, and I kid you not, and it is not a movie moment, it is really his name, "Pegleg Scofield."
Who would name their kid Pegleg? He was born in Massachusetts in 1779. Really. I will face this brother's wrath one day in making light of his name, I am sure, but it did give me a bit of a laugh. Pegleg Scofield. Sorry Pegleg.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
DAY 293 -- Miracle or Not?
Well, a small miracle. But are miracles small? Friday, after Bonnie was on the Internet, all of a sudden something happened to our Internet, the method of sending this blog out, etc. Now I know I need to be more specific in writing this, but I cannot be specific about what happened because I know not about these things called computers. It just stopped working.
Thus I told my wise and knowledgeable son who knows much more than I do about computers, how they work and such. He spend quite a time trying to figure out what was wrong, why it would not get any signal, and such. I sat hopelessly watching him do his magic. I tried to figure out what I was going to do about this blog, about living without a computer, etc. I tried to remember people I knew that may help us resolve our computer problems.
Then Sam, the wise computer guru, paused and said that our computer was old, like a car with 250,000 miles on it. If we fixed one part, we would probably have another failed old part to fix every month following. He was going to try one more time and then we needed to decide upon our actions without a computer, or purchase another one.
As you can imagine, our plans to save money, pay off debt were beginning to fly out the window, or at least hide for a while. So we decided to think about it, postpone the decision for a time, analyze all our options and then, what....
Well, a few minutes later he came in, dejected and tried it again. IT WORKED. I don't know whether he was playing with us, setting us up for the likely result of his ministrations, or what. Either way, I feel Father either touched Sam's work, or He did whatever he did so we could get back going again.
Miracle, lucky, or what. I feel that Father some how influenced those little computer men within that black box and ordered them to get in line and do what He expected them to do for a time more. Either way, we now have a computer again, and I give praise to Sam, and my Father in Heaven for helping this work. Thanks for the miracle.
Thus I told my wise and knowledgeable son who knows much more than I do about computers, how they work and such. He spend quite a time trying to figure out what was wrong, why it would not get any signal, and such. I sat hopelessly watching him do his magic. I tried to figure out what I was going to do about this blog, about living without a computer, etc. I tried to remember people I knew that may help us resolve our computer problems.
Then Sam, the wise computer guru, paused and said that our computer was old, like a car with 250,000 miles on it. If we fixed one part, we would probably have another failed old part to fix every month following. He was going to try one more time and then we needed to decide upon our actions without a computer, or purchase another one.
As you can imagine, our plans to save money, pay off debt were beginning to fly out the window, or at least hide for a while. So we decided to think about it, postpone the decision for a time, analyze all our options and then, what....
Well, a few minutes later he came in, dejected and tried it again. IT WORKED. I don't know whether he was playing with us, setting us up for the likely result of his ministrations, or what. Either way, I feel Father either touched Sam's work, or He did whatever he did so we could get back going again.
Miracle, lucky, or what. I feel that Father some how influenced those little computer men within that black box and ordered them to get in line and do what He expected them to do for a time more. Either way, we now have a computer again, and I give praise to Sam, and my Father in Heaven for helping this work. Thanks for the miracle.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Day something --- My computer died
and as soon as I get it back working, I will continue this daily blog. Thanks for being patient for a few days. Another lessons on patience.
DAY 295 ---- Have Merry Heart
I read a suggestion this morning before I went to work. It said that I should work on having a merry heart. That started me thinking. What is a merry heart? Merry is a word we use to wish someone a merry Christmas. I guess that is a way to wish someone to enjoy something. Have a merry dinner. Have a merry football game when Utah wins. Have a merry day.
But having a merry heart means to feel it I would suppose. Do I have a merry heart? I thought on my driving time to work that I should have a merry heart. I have a wonderful family. I have a beautiful wife who takes care of me, in more ways that I would ever admit. I have wonderful grand children, all of whom are being taught the values I hold so dear, and all are accepting them.
I have relatively good health, I have a belief in the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. What have I to detract from my merri-ness. (Is that a word?) As I went through work today, I tried to have a merry disposition with everyone at work. I believe I was mostly successful. But besides trying to be merry as I was challenged, and besides trying to be merry at work, I discovered something.
More than just being merry for those I was around, those I work with, I felt merry. I felt things were OK, in fact, things were great. I realized that Father does love me. He does not give me all I want WHEN I want it, but He loves me. I felt comfortable with things the way they are today. The unanswered prayers, the questions I have, the timing challenge I am faced with, I did not dwell upon, nor even think about those things that are not settled. I just had to be merry, happy, comfortable, peaceful, and even joyful in my merri-ness.
But having a merry heart means to feel it I would suppose. Do I have a merry heart? I thought on my driving time to work that I should have a merry heart. I have a wonderful family. I have a beautiful wife who takes care of me, in more ways that I would ever admit. I have wonderful grand children, all of whom are being taught the values I hold so dear, and all are accepting them.
I have relatively good health, I have a belief in the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. What have I to detract from my merri-ness. (Is that a word?) As I went through work today, I tried to have a merry disposition with everyone at work. I believe I was mostly successful. But besides trying to be merry as I was challenged, and besides trying to be merry at work, I discovered something.
More than just being merry for those I was around, those I work with, I felt merry. I felt things were OK, in fact, things were great. I realized that Father does love me. He does not give me all I want WHEN I want it, but He loves me. I felt comfortable with things the way they are today. The unanswered prayers, the questions I have, the timing challenge I am faced with, I did not dwell upon, nor even think about those things that are not settled. I just had to be merry, happy, comfortable, peaceful, and even joyful in my merri-ness.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
DAY 296 -- TIES
I wear a tie to work, except on Fridays. Ties are neck chokers. Ties are the thing that bosses decided to make their employees humble so the employee would have to work in discomfort throughout the day. Maybe he makes his employees wear a tie to cut off oxygen to the brain, or prevent employees from sleeping on the job.
I heard once, really I did read this in a reputable magazine that wearing a tie would reduce the years a man would live on earth in proportion to the days he wore a tie. If I remember right, and I am sure I do forgetting how old I am and all the rude comments I always get from other younger employees, my boss included, this article said that if someone wears a tie for a five year period, he would lose two months of life on this earth. If someone wore a tie for ten years, he would lose at least one year of life. (I really can't remember with certainty any more statistics to share...) (But in reality, I can't remember with certainty the numbers I mentioned above either, but I am sure the numbers I quote were very close??? to the real ones I read once.)
Besides the reduction of life by wearing a neck choker, it is so difficult for me to see the importance of color coordination. So often I get ready to walk out the door and Bonnie runs up to me and says, "You can't go to work like that." I quickly look down to assure my zipper is all the way to the top. I make sure that the buttons on my shirt are not exposing anything. I feel my head to assure myself that I have combed my hair. So then I glance at Bon and realize that she is shaking her head as she reaches out and starts to take off the tie I just barely tied around my fat neck.
At first I take offense, for I usually had to tie it about three times to get it the right length, but then I remind myself that she is just trying to make me socially accepted and not laughed at when I walk into work. I keep saying that no one looks at the color of my tie to see if I am wearing a yellow tie with a purple shirt, or a University of Utah tie on any blue shirt, or any color that does not seem to "fit" into some grandiose color scheme or into the book of "WHAT COLOR TIE TO WEAR WITH WHAT COLOR SHIRT." She says, "What you wear is a reflection on me."
Well I certainly don't want anyone to look at my star trek tie with a maroon shirt and have it reflected on Bon. So I ask her which one I should wear. She picks one out and says, "How nice." I put it on, knowing I am cutting my days on earth down, but "happily?" head to work, hating the tie I have to wear. I know that I won't do my work any better, and probably even worse. But that is the society I live in. I don't like ties, but I guess to fit in, to not reflect on Bon, and to be obedient I will still put on that neck choker before I go to work.
I heard once, really I did read this in a reputable magazine that wearing a tie would reduce the years a man would live on earth in proportion to the days he wore a tie. If I remember right, and I am sure I do forgetting how old I am and all the rude comments I always get from other younger employees, my boss included, this article said that if someone wears a tie for a five year period, he would lose two months of life on this earth. If someone wore a tie for ten years, he would lose at least one year of life. (I really can't remember with certainty any more statistics to share...) (But in reality, I can't remember with certainty the numbers I mentioned above either, but I am sure the numbers I quote were very close??? to the real ones I read once.)
Besides the reduction of life by wearing a neck choker, it is so difficult for me to see the importance of color coordination. So often I get ready to walk out the door and Bonnie runs up to me and says, "You can't go to work like that." I quickly look down to assure my zipper is all the way to the top. I make sure that the buttons on my shirt are not exposing anything. I feel my head to assure myself that I have combed my hair. So then I glance at Bon and realize that she is shaking her head as she reaches out and starts to take off the tie I just barely tied around my fat neck.
At first I take offense, for I usually had to tie it about three times to get it the right length, but then I remind myself that she is just trying to make me socially accepted and not laughed at when I walk into work. I keep saying that no one looks at the color of my tie to see if I am wearing a yellow tie with a purple shirt, or a University of Utah tie on any blue shirt, or any color that does not seem to "fit" into some grandiose color scheme or into the book of "WHAT COLOR TIE TO WEAR WITH WHAT COLOR SHIRT." She says, "What you wear is a reflection on me."
Well I certainly don't want anyone to look at my star trek tie with a maroon shirt and have it reflected on Bon. So I ask her which one I should wear. She picks one out and says, "How nice." I put it on, knowing I am cutting my days on earth down, but "happily?" head to work, hating the tie I have to wear. I know that I won't do my work any better, and probably even worse. But that is the society I live in. I don't like ties, but I guess to fit in, to not reflect on Bon, and to be obedient I will still put on that neck choker before I go to work.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Day 297 -- The Healing Nature of Service
I was caught up in the nature of enduring. Things were going along the same old way. Nothing seemed to be different from one day to the next day. I tried to create each day spiritually before the day happened. We are making progress each day, but nothing was changing. Same ol, same ol...
Then I decided to not let the day be the same. I decided to be kind, go the extra mile and help someone. I was more cheery at work and gave a few compliments to fellow workers. It was fun. They were appreciative and showed it. I felt good about it. I was extra nice to another fellow worker and he criticized my Utah Utes. Don't know if I will be nice to him, for he was rude to me, but it was all in jest.
Then when I came home, we ate dinner. Tessa went away and left a messy kitchen. I felt to serve her, for she made dinner and always does. She is always serving us, so I thought I would do just a little service and clean her kitchen. After I was done, I felt great about helping her out. Then I remembered that poem that I memorized long ago and love.
I have wept in the night, for the shortness of sight,
That to someone's need I was blind.
But I never as yet, felt a tinge of regret,
For being a little too kind.
I realized once again about the healing nature of kindness or of service. No matter what, no matter the trials or burdens, no matter the hum drum of the day, it can all be made better with a little bit of forgetting one self and giving of one self to others. Service can heal and improve any day, especially when we do not watch for the smiles, the thanks, and the response of the one served. Can anyone be too kind?
Then I decided to not let the day be the same. I decided to be kind, go the extra mile and help someone. I was more cheery at work and gave a few compliments to fellow workers. It was fun. They were appreciative and showed it. I felt good about it. I was extra nice to another fellow worker and he criticized my Utah Utes. Don't know if I will be nice to him, for he was rude to me, but it was all in jest.
Then when I came home, we ate dinner. Tessa went away and left a messy kitchen. I felt to serve her, for she made dinner and always does. She is always serving us, so I thought I would do just a little service and clean her kitchen. After I was done, I felt great about helping her out. Then I remembered that poem that I memorized long ago and love.
I have wept in the night, for the shortness of sight,
That to someone's need I was blind.
But I never as yet, felt a tinge of regret,
For being a little too kind.
I realized once again about the healing nature of kindness or of service. No matter what, no matter the trials or burdens, no matter the hum drum of the day, it can all be made better with a little bit of forgetting one self and giving of one self to others. Service can heal and improve any day, especially when we do not watch for the smiles, the thanks, and the response of the one served. Can anyone be too kind?
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
DAY 298 -- We Must Rest Once in a While
Though this blog is all about realizing dreams according to Elder Holland admonition, I also know that one of the important teachings of our time is enduring. In Elder Holland's message, he states that "If we must rest on our swords for a bit, we must get up and continue in fight..." Consider resting on our swords...
It is not a time to totally rest and forget our dreams. It is not a time to forsake our visions. It is not a time to trash our hopes. If it were then he would not have said the part about resting on our swords. Our swords should remind us that there is still a battle to be won. There is still a dream to be realized and a vision to come into reality. We can rest, but we must not forget what the swords are for.
Enduring is found within the scriptures many places. There are many times when we are called upon to stop the fight, accept our circumstances, and endure our life. We will not always be surrounded with blessings, with realizing dreams or even experiencing miracles working together toward our dream. There will be days when we are just enduring.
I can't help but remember what Joseph Smith said that rings in my mind, "O God, where art thou? What covereth thy pavillion..." He was placed in prison and wondered why he could not continue in leading his saints. Why was he in jail? God seemed to be just ignoring the circumstances of our Prophet Smith. He was expressing his plea.
Yes, we will be judged by how we react to blessings as well as trials. We will be tried and tested to see how we react. But I feel we will also be held accountable how we endure, how we rest on our swords waiting the delivering angels, how we wait for those miracles. Enduring is part of life, and at times very difficult. But we must rest, endure, and exercise faith in His timing.
It is not a time to totally rest and forget our dreams. It is not a time to forsake our visions. It is not a time to trash our hopes. If it were then he would not have said the part about resting on our swords. Our swords should remind us that there is still a battle to be won. There is still a dream to be realized and a vision to come into reality. We can rest, but we must not forget what the swords are for.
Enduring is found within the scriptures many places. There are many times when we are called upon to stop the fight, accept our circumstances, and endure our life. We will not always be surrounded with blessings, with realizing dreams or even experiencing miracles working together toward our dream. There will be days when we are just enduring.
I can't help but remember what Joseph Smith said that rings in my mind, "O God, where art thou? What covereth thy pavillion..." He was placed in prison and wondered why he could not continue in leading his saints. Why was he in jail? God seemed to be just ignoring the circumstances of our Prophet Smith. He was expressing his plea.
Yes, we will be judged by how we react to blessings as well as trials. We will be tried and tested to see how we react. But I feel we will also be held accountable how we endure, how we rest on our swords waiting the delivering angels, how we wait for those miracles. Enduring is part of life, and at times very difficult. But we must rest, endure, and exercise faith in His timing.
Monday, August 15, 2011
DAY 299 -- My Better Half
Since we only have 299 days until we arrive at our goal, target date, it is time to evaluate where we are. Bon, my beautiful wife is doing much better than I am. She is losing weight, has a firm grip on where we are going, and talks positively, like - "When we are on our mission..." and "I will miss spending so much time with our grand kids.." and "We are in preparation for our mission, in many different ways..."
It is so nice that I get to take my own companion on my mission. I won't have to worry about being transferred. I don't have to worry about not loving the city I am in. I don't have to worry about my companion not understanding what I am saying and doing. (I only have to worry about my companion not understanding what I am saying or doing. You see I must have a glitch, or a broken pathway in my mind on the race track from my mind to my mouth, for too often when I say something it wasn't what was in my mind, thus that thought getting lost on it's way to my mouth. It is happening more and more these days.)
It will be a thoroughly great pleasure to serve with her at my side, both struggling, growing, serving, loving the saints wherever we are sent, putting all faith in Father's hands, not knowing His will, but serving 24-7. What a blessing.
I recall the prophets plea for more senior missionaries, and we hope to be able, to in a small way, help relieve that pressure of need. I often let my mind wander to the joy that accompanies missions, service, being instruments in Father's hands, and being directed by the Holy Ghost to do His will in all parts of the world. What a glorious experience.
Whenever I sing, or hear it sung, "Called to Serve," I ache, shed a few years, recommit my testimony, my all to my God, and again grateful that I will be able to sleep with my companion. What a joyful thing to do as a couple when we are empty-nesters. I have served a few missions, one in Mexico and a few Stake Missions. Bonnie is waiting and in for such a joy to serve away from home as a full time missionary. It is truly our vision that we are striving to realize.
It is so nice that I get to take my own companion on my mission. I won't have to worry about being transferred. I don't have to worry about not loving the city I am in. I don't have to worry about my companion not understanding what I am saying and doing. (I only have to worry about my companion not understanding what I am saying or doing. You see I must have a glitch, or a broken pathway in my mind on the race track from my mind to my mouth, for too often when I say something it wasn't what was in my mind, thus that thought getting lost on it's way to my mouth. It is happening more and more these days.)
It will be a thoroughly great pleasure to serve with her at my side, both struggling, growing, serving, loving the saints wherever we are sent, putting all faith in Father's hands, not knowing His will, but serving 24-7. What a blessing.
I recall the prophets plea for more senior missionaries, and we hope to be able, to in a small way, help relieve that pressure of need. I often let my mind wander to the joy that accompanies missions, service, being instruments in Father's hands, and being directed by the Holy Ghost to do His will in all parts of the world. What a glorious experience.
Whenever I sing, or hear it sung, "Called to Serve," I ache, shed a few years, recommit my testimony, my all to my God, and again grateful that I will be able to sleep with my companion. What a joyful thing to do as a couple when we are empty-nesters. I have served a few missions, one in Mexico and a few Stake Missions. Bonnie is waiting and in for such a joy to serve away from home as a full time missionary. It is truly our vision that we are striving to realize.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
DAY 300 --- The Guest Sitting in my Special Chair
I taught today on chastity in High Priests. One brother, in explaining what chastity was, said that whenever we get an inappropriate thought in our mind, we should not pull up a chair and invite that thought to remain as a guest. I thought that was very insightful. We often have thoughts put in our mind and whether we let that thought remain in our mind makes all the difference.
As I finished presenting the lesson on chastity, I reviewed the comment of that brother. I know that often I place a chair in my mind and let unwanted thoughts remain for as long as that thought wants to be there. So, along the suggestion of that good brother, and following up the suggestion I made a few days ago, I decided to let that Still Small Voice take up residence, sitting on that chair in my mind. I guess some of you would/could call that SSV the Holy Ghost, which would be proper.
So as I went through my day today, and yesterday, I consciously invited the SSV to remain in my mind sitting in that soft lounge chair. I even decided to present refreshment and assure that the SSV was comfortable sitting in my mind. We have had a few conversations while he is sitting there.
We discuss my present circumstances. We discuss what is going to happen tomorrow at work. We discuss what I should be doing. We even discussed this morning who I should be contacting to build up and help endure their trials. (I sent a letter to my three sisters doing just that.) We also discussed the "rightness" of things in my life right now, and how I should acquire joy and hope in my life.
I will continue to try to keep that guest within my mind sitting in that King's Chair, comfortable serving cookies and drink often. Then all I have to do is listen to His direction, counsel, and feel the love He has for me.
As I finished presenting the lesson on chastity, I reviewed the comment of that brother. I know that often I place a chair in my mind and let unwanted thoughts remain for as long as that thought wants to be there. So, along the suggestion of that good brother, and following up the suggestion I made a few days ago, I decided to let that Still Small Voice take up residence, sitting on that chair in my mind. I guess some of you would/could call that SSV the Holy Ghost, which would be proper.
So as I went through my day today, and yesterday, I consciously invited the SSV to remain in my mind sitting in that soft lounge chair. I even decided to present refreshment and assure that the SSV was comfortable sitting in my mind. We have had a few conversations while he is sitting there.
We discuss my present circumstances. We discuss what is going to happen tomorrow at work. We discuss what I should be doing. We even discussed this morning who I should be contacting to build up and help endure their trials. (I sent a letter to my three sisters doing just that.) We also discussed the "rightness" of things in my life right now, and how I should acquire joy and hope in my life.
I will continue to try to keep that guest within my mind sitting in that King's Chair, comfortable serving cookies and drink often. Then all I have to do is listen to His direction, counsel, and feel the love He has for me.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
DAY 301 -- Two Insights for Today, Saturday
This morning two things came into my clouded mind. In Moses, we are taught that creation was preceded with a Spiritual creation. All things were created spiritually before they were created physically. The other thing was a new goal, talent, ability I want to improve on before our mission. I want to live my life such that I can listen to that still small voice, get and remain attuned to that SSV frequency that is ever in the air waves but few of us listen constantly to the SSV broadcast. (SSV - Still Small Voice)
So, this morning I created this day, this Saturday spiritually. I reviewed it with Father. I told Him what I wanted to do, asked Him what He wanted me to do, and we agreed what should be done today. I asked him for insight. After I "created" this day Spiritually, I felt better and now I know where this day is going.
Tomorrow I am teaching High Priests and I teach a difficult subject, Chastity. Usually during the week when I teach HP, I get insights into my mind all week long, but on this subject, I have been either away from that SSV broadcast, or it just has not come YET. So I told Father I needed some direction. I told Him of other things I needed to do today and committed to do whatever else He wanted done as I got direction from the SSV.
I also told Father this morning that I wanted to be connected to the SSV broadcast in my mind. I asked Him to help me develop that ability throughout my preparation, but also create it as a habit, a talent, something He and I could count on. So during this day, I am striving to listen to the SSV throughout the day, noting how often I get that input, and even how often I fail to be listening.
That is another goal. "We must dream dreams and see visions." I am beginning another one today, to become affluent in the SSV language. But not only becoming fluent, but more practiced in following that SSV direction. Whether on a mission, or just coping with daily challenges and blessings, this is one that I really need to develop, practice and incorporate into my life, every day.
So, this morning I created this day, this Saturday spiritually. I reviewed it with Father. I told Him what I wanted to do, asked Him what He wanted me to do, and we agreed what should be done today. I asked him for insight. After I "created" this day Spiritually, I felt better and now I know where this day is going.
Tomorrow I am teaching High Priests and I teach a difficult subject, Chastity. Usually during the week when I teach HP, I get insights into my mind all week long, but on this subject, I have been either away from that SSV broadcast, or it just has not come YET. So I told Father I needed some direction. I told Him of other things I needed to do today and committed to do whatever else He wanted done as I got direction from the SSV.
I also told Father this morning that I wanted to be connected to the SSV broadcast in my mind. I asked Him to help me develop that ability throughout my preparation, but also create it as a habit, a talent, something He and I could count on. So during this day, I am striving to listen to the SSV throughout the day, noting how often I get that input, and even how often I fail to be listening.
That is another goal. "We must dream dreams and see visions." I am beginning another one today, to become affluent in the SSV language. But not only becoming fluent, but more practiced in following that SSV direction. Whether on a mission, or just coping with daily challenges and blessings, this is one that I really need to develop, practice and incorporate into my life, every day.
Friday, August 12, 2011
DAY 302 -- Father's View
Once in a while I believe it is in our best interest to become Father and watch what we are doing. So today, for a few minutes I tried to become what I assume Father is, what He is thinking.
I looked at my life and realize that Father is shaking His head at me. He is trying to teach me something but I am rejecting his lessons. He has told me to lose a few pounds. I am losing that battle. Today, I went to work with a tiny little sandwich figuring that I would lose poundage if I stopped eating so much. They guys at work wanted to go to a Mexican place for lunch. I told them I loved Mexican, but I had too much to do. I figured I would remain and eat my sandwich. Well after I ate my sandwich, they returned and brought me a large burrito. Of course I ate it and felt bloated. It was sure good, but I am sure that I gained weight today.
I am sure Father is shaking His head watching me eat every last morsel of that burrito. What happened to my commitment. Father is also frustrated with me getting frustrated that I cannot run faster than is needful. He is wishing that I would learn faster than I am. He is hoping that I can finally get it through my thick skull that He is in charge and He wants me to be peaceful and joyful with the good things in my life. He is frustrated that I let the obstacles grow in my mind and take over the major part of the space in my head.
He loves me, but is sure wishing that I could be more patient, learn faster, reject food when it is giving me pounds that I really don't need in favor of tasting good and enjoying Mexican food.
As Father watches me, analyzing my feelings and frustrations, waiting patiently for me to "get a clue" and learn, I am sure He finally understands my slow nature of learning, growing, or losing weight. I am so glad He loves me through my lack of vision of His plans for me. Thanks for that.
I looked at my life and realize that Father is shaking His head at me. He is trying to teach me something but I am rejecting his lessons. He has told me to lose a few pounds. I am losing that battle. Today, I went to work with a tiny little sandwich figuring that I would lose poundage if I stopped eating so much. They guys at work wanted to go to a Mexican place for lunch. I told them I loved Mexican, but I had too much to do. I figured I would remain and eat my sandwich. Well after I ate my sandwich, they returned and brought me a large burrito. Of course I ate it and felt bloated. It was sure good, but I am sure that I gained weight today.
I am sure Father is shaking His head watching me eat every last morsel of that burrito. What happened to my commitment. Father is also frustrated with me getting frustrated that I cannot run faster than is needful. He is wishing that I would learn faster than I am. He is hoping that I can finally get it through my thick skull that He is in charge and He wants me to be peaceful and joyful with the good things in my life. He is frustrated that I let the obstacles grow in my mind and take over the major part of the space in my head.
He loves me, but is sure wishing that I could be more patient, learn faster, reject food when it is giving me pounds that I really don't need in favor of tasting good and enjoying Mexican food.
As Father watches me, analyzing my feelings and frustrations, waiting patiently for me to "get a clue" and learn, I am sure He finally understands my slow nature of learning, growing, or losing weight. I am so glad He loves me through my lack of vision of His plans for me. Thanks for that.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
DAY 303 ---- What Good is Money?
I work in Provo for a ESL school. It is my job to find International students to come to Provo. We offer a good product and get many to come and study English. My boss is striving to make ends meet and struggles each month with payroll. He is a good man and hired me on a whim. He knew that I would leave if I found a job that was more to my qualifications, but took a chance to offer me a very low paying job.
I accepted and have been there for five months. I am mildly successful in what I do, bringing in students. Since all my life I have been thinking outside the box, striving to create a better mouse trap, I always strive to find a better way.
Well, at this job, I have designed new methods, better ways, etc to find International students. I enjoy it, being successful for my boss. Though I am not paid what I deserve, though my thirty five years experience only brings me payment as if I were a high graduate, I feel comfortable there. In fact, I know that Father has directed us there, to help this good man maintain and even improve his business.
Father knows the financial struggles I have to take care of before my mission. He is in control of the money of this world and often uses it to teach His children lessons. He could, with a tiny effort, resolve my financial obstacles and call me on a mission. I know that to be true. But lately, I have felt that He sent me to this low paynig job.
I have had the fact renewed in my soul that money is not everything, and Father is using the circumstances I live in to teach me lessons and prepare me for our future. All of us must learn to live by faith. I am trying to do that these days. I am not working there for the ease in paying off my debt. I am working there, putting my faith in Father and knowing that when I have learned what He is teaching me, then He will let us move on to the next situation in life, be it a mission or another trial. I know He is in charge of my life.
I accepted and have been there for five months. I am mildly successful in what I do, bringing in students. Since all my life I have been thinking outside the box, striving to create a better mouse trap, I always strive to find a better way.
Well, at this job, I have designed new methods, better ways, etc to find International students. I enjoy it, being successful for my boss. Though I am not paid what I deserve, though my thirty five years experience only brings me payment as if I were a high graduate, I feel comfortable there. In fact, I know that Father has directed us there, to help this good man maintain and even improve his business.
Father knows the financial struggles I have to take care of before my mission. He is in control of the money of this world and often uses it to teach His children lessons. He could, with a tiny effort, resolve my financial obstacles and call me on a mission. I know that to be true. But lately, I have felt that He sent me to this low paynig job.
I have had the fact renewed in my soul that money is not everything, and Father is using the circumstances I live in to teach me lessons and prepare me for our future. All of us must learn to live by faith. I am trying to do that these days. I am not working there for the ease in paying off my debt. I am working there, putting my faith in Father and knowing that when I have learned what He is teaching me, then He will let us move on to the next situation in life, be it a mission or another trial. I know He is in charge of my life.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
DAY 304 -- Always My Father
Why do people reject the Holy Ghost? Why do people not hear that still small voice whispering into their ears? Why do people insist on living in their own realm and not ask Father for direction, guidance, and support? Will Father continue to whisper if His inspiration is not heeded?
Father's motivation is based upon His love and concern for each of us. He desires to help us through the difficult times and strengthen us when we must go through difficult challenges. He is our Father. He watches over us daily and knows when we need help. I am sure that often He just shakes His head in frustration as we ignore His loving direction.
Does that mean He quits directing us? Is His love ever lost or forgotten? Is His Fatherhood of us ever weakened or changed? Is He on vacation very often? Is He asleep so He doesn't know what is happening to us? Does He place someone else over us to advise Him when we need His help?
I have felt this day Father's love. There were a few challenges at work where I thought I was alone and tackling those demons with one hand behind my back. But as I really thought about the circumstances in which I found myself, meeting failure of a responsibility I had, that sweet loving feeling overcame me, touched my mind, softened my heart, and opened my eyes to know that He was still there, never did leave, and was watching over me to assure that I wasn't tested beyond my capability to endure and learn from.
I am so glad that Father will always be my Father. He will always be listening to me, even when I pause during the day, glance upward and ask for direction, and when I need some kind of energy boost to get through any circumstance. I fondly recall Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof pausing during his day and just starting talking with God. I have mimicked him often when I have needed some understanding or direction. Thanks be to God for always being there and loving me more than I know.
Father's motivation is based upon His love and concern for each of us. He desires to help us through the difficult times and strengthen us when we must go through difficult challenges. He is our Father. He watches over us daily and knows when we need help. I am sure that often He just shakes His head in frustration as we ignore His loving direction.
Does that mean He quits directing us? Is His love ever lost or forgotten? Is His Fatherhood of us ever weakened or changed? Is He on vacation very often? Is He asleep so He doesn't know what is happening to us? Does He place someone else over us to advise Him when we need His help?
I have felt this day Father's love. There were a few challenges at work where I thought I was alone and tackling those demons with one hand behind my back. But as I really thought about the circumstances in which I found myself, meeting failure of a responsibility I had, that sweet loving feeling overcame me, touched my mind, softened my heart, and opened my eyes to know that He was still there, never did leave, and was watching over me to assure that I wasn't tested beyond my capability to endure and learn from.
I am so glad that Father will always be my Father. He will always be listening to me, even when I pause during the day, glance upward and ask for direction, and when I need some kind of energy boost to get through any circumstance. I fondly recall Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof pausing during his day and just starting talking with God. I have mimicked him often when I have needed some understanding or direction. Thanks be to God for always being there and loving me more than I know.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Day 305 -- I Will Build a Ship
I dreamed a dream last night. I dreamed of the two "N" prophets, Nephi and Noah. I was discussing something with a few people I trust. I was going to do something that they were objecting to. They said I could not do it. I said I could and would.
I then had the two "N" prophets Nephi and Noah come into my mind. Both were commanded to build a ship. I am quite certain that neither of them were trained in the career of ship building. I am quite certain that they did not have experience building a boat to take people across a great water. I am quite certain that they both depended upon our God for instructions and continued directions. Both were building a boat to take their beloved families away from the wicked place where they lived.
I am drawn to Nephi and the statement he used with his brothers. 1 Nephi 17:50 "If God had commanded me to do all things, I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth."
I shared with those friends in my dream, "If God commanded me to do all things, I would do them." I continued saying that I would go and I would do according to God's commands. They expressed doubt, but when I brought up the two "N" prophets, and when I told them I would do what God told me to do, they backed down and reluctantly agreed. They even agreed to help me accomplish what I was commanded to do.
If He wants me to build a ship, a boat, a kayak, or whatever He commands me to do, I will do, no matter the challenge, the obstacles, or the doubt of any others. I will!
I then had the two "N" prophets Nephi and Noah come into my mind. Both were commanded to build a ship. I am quite certain that neither of them were trained in the career of ship building. I am quite certain that they did not have experience building a boat to take people across a great water. I am quite certain that they both depended upon our God for instructions and continued directions. Both were building a boat to take their beloved families away from the wicked place where they lived.
I am drawn to Nephi and the statement he used with his brothers. 1 Nephi 17:50 "If God had commanded me to do all things, I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth."
I shared with those friends in my dream, "If God commanded me to do all things, I would do them." I continued saying that I would go and I would do according to God's commands. They expressed doubt, but when I brought up the two "N" prophets, and when I told them I would do what God told me to do, they backed down and reluctantly agreed. They even agreed to help me accomplish what I was commanded to do.
If He wants me to build a ship, a boat, a kayak, or whatever He commands me to do, I will do, no matter the challenge, the obstacles, or the doubt of any others. I will!
Monday, August 8, 2011
DAY 306 --- Every Opportunity...
A few days ago, I shared that one of my dreams had died an untimely death. I had been working toward that dream for over one year. I felt depressed and said that it had died. Then I was reminded by one reader that I was the one preaching about following dreams. If one of my dreams suffered a set back, it was not time to give up. It was time to find out why it failed and then start out again.
Elder Holland said in his quote that if we have to sit on our swords for a time, that was fine, but we had to get up and fight again. So, I have decided not to give up that dream. It is time to learn why it failed, take steps to prevent that dream from failing again for the same reason, and get up and fight again.
So I have been pondering how I was going to get up and fight again. The sweet whispering told me how to start fighting again, and I have started once again to pursue that dream. Just because one thing gets in the way, it is time to pursue another way.
So I am trying again. I am seeking the help I need in a different location and pursuing that same dream once again. "We must take every opportunity... to dream dreams and see visions." Let me tell you, it is easy to lose sight of any dream. It is easy to lose anything that was gained and start to give up. But that is wrong. Dreams, especially ones that feel right, should be kept, treasured, worked toward, and learned from. Sorry for the weakness, but it is time to start again to pursue all dreams.
So I learn yet another lesson, I begin again to pursue that dream I have had for a long time, and see if I can realize it. Lesson learned.
Elder Holland said in his quote that if we have to sit on our swords for a time, that was fine, but we had to get up and fight again. So, I have decided not to give up that dream. It is time to learn why it failed, take steps to prevent that dream from failing again for the same reason, and get up and fight again.
So I have been pondering how I was going to get up and fight again. The sweet whispering told me how to start fighting again, and I have started once again to pursue that dream. Just because one thing gets in the way, it is time to pursue another way.
So I am trying again. I am seeking the help I need in a different location and pursuing that same dream once again. "We must take every opportunity... to dream dreams and see visions." Let me tell you, it is easy to lose sight of any dream. It is easy to lose anything that was gained and start to give up. But that is wrong. Dreams, especially ones that feel right, should be kept, treasured, worked toward, and learned from. Sorry for the weakness, but it is time to start again to pursue all dreams.
So I learn yet another lesson, I begin again to pursue that dream I have had for a long time, and see if I can realize it. Lesson learned.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
DAY 307 -- Rejoice
As I awoke today, as I was shaving, I had this crazy song jump into my mind. It was sung long ago by a crazy group named "The Beatles." It was entitled, "Hey Jude." Now please don't try to psycho-analyze my inner brain, my hidden rationale to come up with that song. It was certainly a surprise to me. I often find myself humming or singing a song that has no reason to be in my mind. Now why that particular song, I have no idea. It really wasn't one of my favorite songs when it was popular many moons ago.
As I realize that I was having that song go through my mind, it angered me. Why does my mind take on a personality and decide what song to ring through my mind or echo through the halls of my thoughts? (Now you can psycho-analize why we do that, or is it just me that does that???) I decided since it was the Sabbath, I would choose the song to run through the chambers, the halls of my mind. So I chose, "Rejoice, the Lord is King." I have always loved that song. "Lift up your heart, life up your voice, rejoice...."
So as I finished my morning activities, I had that song running through my mind. I paused many times during the morning hours before our church started and took solace, strength in that hymn. I even felt to rejoice, rather than singing in my mind, "Hey Jude" which as no redeeming qualities. If I remember right, it kept repeating the same two words throughout the song. So, I started to repeat the word, "Rejoice" over and over in my mind in the morning.
It felt great, for often my mind just did it's thing while I was doing something else, but it had those familiar notes going through my mind. But it is interesting to me to find any of various songs, singers, authors, and tunes going through my mind without being invited, and I all of a sudden realize that I am "singing" those notes in my mind without realizing it.
Would someone explain that to me, for I don't understand it.
As I realize that I was having that song go through my mind, it angered me. Why does my mind take on a personality and decide what song to ring through my mind or echo through the halls of my thoughts? (Now you can psycho-analize why we do that, or is it just me that does that???) I decided since it was the Sabbath, I would choose the song to run through the chambers, the halls of my mind. So I chose, "Rejoice, the Lord is King." I have always loved that song. "Lift up your heart, life up your voice, rejoice...."
So as I finished my morning activities, I had that song running through my mind. I paused many times during the morning hours before our church started and took solace, strength in that hymn. I even felt to rejoice, rather than singing in my mind, "Hey Jude" which as no redeeming qualities. If I remember right, it kept repeating the same two words throughout the song. So, I started to repeat the word, "Rejoice" over and over in my mind in the morning.
It felt great, for often my mind just did it's thing while I was doing something else, but it had those familiar notes going through my mind. But it is interesting to me to find any of various songs, singers, authors, and tunes going through my mind without being invited, and I all of a sudden realize that I am "singing" those notes in my mind without realizing it.
Would someone explain that to me, for I don't understand it.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
DAY 308 -- Clarification
This is a blog to clarify a few things. One of my faithful readers (at least he reads once a month whether he needs to or not, or he accidentally finds this page on his screen) asked if a doctor had dictated that I should lose those pounds that are making me appear pregnant to my grand son. He asked if I was going to die if I didn't lost some weight and that was why I was trying to lose weight.
He also asked if I was terminally due to visit the morgue and be put in the ground with my boots on (but I really don't wear boots, nor do I own boots). He asked if some doctor said that I better get in shape or I was going to die. I don't think he was really too worried thinking I was going to die, no tear in his voice, no sad look on his face, he was just interested, I guess. He may have been wondering to see if he would have to save a day or two out of his schedule to come to my funeral. I would assume he would come, for he is my own son.
No, I am not dieing, I am well and healthy. I just feel that I would be able to run and not faint, serve and not feel too pregnant, and be able to serve longer. My dream/goal to lose fifteen pounds was just my own thought and my own desire. I guess you can see, by the way I continue to eat, that it is not a heavy desire, but one day I will really get serious, I would hope.
Another reader (at least I have two readers, or they are the same person) asked me to be more specific about what I write. She was my daughter. At least she was not worried that I was dieing, and that I would not be able to be at her next birthday, for I am always the life of the party, and she loves me to come, especially since I eat so much which destroys my weight goal again, which will worry my son that I soon will be buried.
I am well. I am healthy, just do not appear to svelte and healthy with a slightly, really just slightly bigger stomach than someone else thinks I should have. I am not ready to purchase a casket, and I am healthy enough to serve a mission.
By the way, rather than question whether I am soon to take my last breath, please feel free to comment on this blog, ask me if I die soon, or what I weigh. I will not be offended, especially since my grandson still thinks I am pregnant.
He also asked if I was terminally due to visit the morgue and be put in the ground with my boots on (but I really don't wear boots, nor do I own boots). He asked if some doctor said that I better get in shape or I was going to die. I don't think he was really too worried thinking I was going to die, no tear in his voice, no sad look on his face, he was just interested, I guess. He may have been wondering to see if he would have to save a day or two out of his schedule to come to my funeral. I would assume he would come, for he is my own son.
No, I am not dieing, I am well and healthy. I just feel that I would be able to run and not faint, serve and not feel too pregnant, and be able to serve longer. My dream/goal to lose fifteen pounds was just my own thought and my own desire. I guess you can see, by the way I continue to eat, that it is not a heavy desire, but one day I will really get serious, I would hope.
Another reader (at least I have two readers, or they are the same person) asked me to be more specific about what I write. She was my daughter. At least she was not worried that I was dieing, and that I would not be able to be at her next birthday, for I am always the life of the party, and she loves me to come, especially since I eat so much which destroys my weight goal again, which will worry my son that I soon will be buried.
I am well. I am healthy, just do not appear to svelte and healthy with a slightly, really just slightly bigger stomach than someone else thinks I should have. I am not ready to purchase a casket, and I am healthy enough to serve a mission.
By the way, rather than question whether I am soon to take my last breath, please feel free to comment on this blog, ask me if I die soon, or what I weigh. I will not be offended, especially since my grandson still thinks I am pregnant.
Friday, August 5, 2011
DAY 309 -- Patience
One thing that has always been a challenge to me is patience. I have never had any, or not much. I have always been haunted by patience. I am just one of those guys that expects everything to happen now, not wait, and never wait until something else happens.
I am trying to learn patience knowing that this dream of serving a mission is taking us about one year, 12 months, and even 365 days. I am trying to learn lessons, see things with patience realizing that Father is aware of these things, our goals, but He is not too excited to let me have what I want now.
I try to understand the lessons of patience, what I am to learn by many things that are taking time to happen. I try to learn that nothing was done in a day, and well... you have heard all those cliches that make me want to scream. I would think I am getting better. I am old. I have learned many things as I have waited for those things desired. But I still struggle with patience.
Impatience shows itself every day. Waiting until it is His will, waiting until the baby is ready to come to earth, waiting until other see things my way, and waiting until Father determines that I have learned that Eternal Talent of being patient. As I think of today, as I review my thoughts, my actions, and my desires to do things during this day, I can recall at least 25 to 30 times when I have questioned why things do not happen faster. It is a daily, constant lesson I am being taught. I guess patience means waiting, enduring, and smiling while so doing.
I am certainly not good at that, and perhaps shall forever be a prime example of impatience and be one that has to learn, grow, and understand that principle. Wait, wait, and wait some more...
I am trying to learn patience knowing that this dream of serving a mission is taking us about one year, 12 months, and even 365 days. I am trying to learn lessons, see things with patience realizing that Father is aware of these things, our goals, but He is not too excited to let me have what I want now.
I try to understand the lessons of patience, what I am to learn by many things that are taking time to happen. I try to learn that nothing was done in a day, and well... you have heard all those cliches that make me want to scream. I would think I am getting better. I am old. I have learned many things as I have waited for those things desired. But I still struggle with patience.
Impatience shows itself every day. Waiting until it is His will, waiting until the baby is ready to come to earth, waiting until other see things my way, and waiting until Father determines that I have learned that Eternal Talent of being patient. As I think of today, as I review my thoughts, my actions, and my desires to do things during this day, I can recall at least 25 to 30 times when I have questioned why things do not happen faster. It is a daily, constant lesson I am being taught. I guess patience means waiting, enduring, and smiling while so doing.
I am certainly not good at that, and perhaps shall forever be a prime example of impatience and be one that has to learn, grow, and understand that principle. Wait, wait, and wait some more...
DAY 310 -- WHY TRY?
A couple of days ago I realized the importance of looking to God, and Doubt not Fear not. Well I found out today, another one of my brilliant dreams, plans, carefully laid organizations fell apart again. I continue to try to figure out how to expedite our dreams and goals. I continue to dream dreams and see visions.
However, just seeing those visions and striving to work toward them is not enough. I set up the foundation, the process to see this "vision" to the end, which would have helped us along our way, and it totally fell apart. I lamented, felt sad and asked myself, "why try?"
I know Father wants us to continue to work toward our mission next year. I know the Kingdom needs senior missionaries. I know that we have at least some abilities to use to help in the Kingdom. I know that the smaller dream to help realize the larger dream was good and could have helped many along the way.
But it was not to be. As it fell apart once again, (I have been working on this particular dream and possibility for many years) I started to get frustrated, sad, and questioning, WHY? Then I remember the lesson of yesterday.
Look to God and Live. Doubt not Fear not. I grabbed a hold of that concept, realized nothing had changed about our goal to go on a mission. Father still loves us and is in total control. If one of my dreams does not come to fruition, why be sad and frustrated? The works of man, or of mine, are frustrated, not the works and goals of Father.
That truly helped me get out of the impending "depression" or negative attitude, which was where I was headed. Look to God, Doubt not His love and control of things, and realize that there are always lessons He is teaching. I just need to remember to look for the lesson rather than feel the frustration when my goals are lost.
However, just seeing those visions and striving to work toward them is not enough. I set up the foundation, the process to see this "vision" to the end, which would have helped us along our way, and it totally fell apart. I lamented, felt sad and asked myself, "why try?"
I know Father wants us to continue to work toward our mission next year. I know the Kingdom needs senior missionaries. I know that we have at least some abilities to use to help in the Kingdom. I know that the smaller dream to help realize the larger dream was good and could have helped many along the way.
But it was not to be. As it fell apart once again, (I have been working on this particular dream and possibility for many years) I started to get frustrated, sad, and questioning, WHY? Then I remember the lesson of yesterday.
Look to God and Live. Doubt not Fear not. I grabbed a hold of that concept, realized nothing had changed about our goal to go on a mission. Father still loves us and is in total control. If one of my dreams does not come to fruition, why be sad and frustrated? The works of man, or of mine, are frustrated, not the works and goals of Father.
That truly helped me get out of the impending "depression" or negative attitude, which was where I was headed. Look to God, Doubt not His love and control of things, and realize that there are always lessons He is teaching. I just need to remember to look for the lesson rather than feel the frustration when my goals are lost.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
DAY 311 -- Look to God
After yesterday when I realized that all I had to do to get out of my "down" feeling is turn to the scriptures, I made sure I read my BOM this morning. It seems to start out the day better. It doesn't mean that everything was perfect. It doesn't mean that I felt the Spirit and His love throughout the day. But it does mean that I felt more peace and comfort knowing that Father loves me and knows where I am.
I shared with a two new people I met about our goal to go on a mission within one year. It felt good. It was like reconfirming our goal once again. And as I told them that we had this goal to go on a mission in less than a year, I felt a great feeling of confirmation within.
We still have a long way to go, especially me. But we are working toward it. We are making progress. We must take every opportunity to dream and see visions and then work toward them.
Along the way, I seem to create a few more that I want to accomplish that will help us realize the big one. I feel confident that Father is inspiring me to dream up additional goals to help facilitate realizing our mission goal. What a blessing it is to know that Father knows about, agrees with, and is helping us toward that dream. In other words, I feel to look to God and smile, feel comfort, peace, and hope.
I shared with a two new people I met about our goal to go on a mission within one year. It felt good. It was like reconfirming our goal once again. And as I told them that we had this goal to go on a mission in less than a year, I felt a great feeling of confirmation within.
We still have a long way to go, especially me. But we are working toward it. We are making progress. We must take every opportunity to dream and see visions and then work toward them.
Along the way, I seem to create a few more that I want to accomplish that will help us realize the big one. I feel confident that Father is inspiring me to dream up additional goals to help facilitate realizing our mission goal. What a blessing it is to know that Father knows about, agrees with, and is helping us toward that dream. In other words, I feel to look to God and smile, feel comfort, peace, and hope.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
DAY 312 -- Doubt Not, Fear Not
As I went to the temple this morning, I had that same "blah" feeling I blogged about yesterday. Everything was the same. Bonnie and I went and as I was getting ready for the session, all of a sudden, the feeling of Moses, and the serpent came into my mind. I "heard" the words come into my mind, "Look unto God and Live." Those who looked at the serpent lived and were healed. Those who thought it was too easy did not look and died.
I thought about the easiness of the way, the story of the serpent and decided the reason I was not feeling joy, positive attitude, and peace was I was not looking to God. I was pondering and dwelling upon things that were not going as I would have them go. I was not counting my blessings and I did not have a feeling of gratitude.
Then another scripture came into my mind in D and C section 6 which said, "Doubt not, fear not." Then I realized that I was where I was because I lost my focus, my ultimate goal. I was dwelling upon things that were beyond my control and I was worried about, or stressing over those things. If I look to God and give thanks for the feelings I have that He is in charge, if I doubt not, and of course fear not, if I put on those eternal perspective glasses, then why would I ever be so down, so un-enlightened?
It was all my own fault. I did not recognize what was happening. Something got me down, and kept me there because I could not think of the things that matter most, my testimony, my faith, my knowledge that Father is in charge no matter what anyone else does. It wasn't me, it was the actions of someone else.
He loves me, knows of my goals, and is pained when I let other things get in the way of my peace and joy. Another lesson learned? I hope so!
I thought about the easiness of the way, the story of the serpent and decided the reason I was not feeling joy, positive attitude, and peace was I was not looking to God. I was pondering and dwelling upon things that were not going as I would have them go. I was not counting my blessings and I did not have a feeling of gratitude.
Then another scripture came into my mind in D and C section 6 which said, "Doubt not, fear not." Then I realized that I was where I was because I lost my focus, my ultimate goal. I was dwelling upon things that were beyond my control and I was worried about, or stressing over those things. If I look to God and give thanks for the feelings I have that He is in charge, if I doubt not, and of course fear not, if I put on those eternal perspective glasses, then why would I ever be so down, so un-enlightened?
It was all my own fault. I did not recognize what was happening. Something got me down, and kept me there because I could not think of the things that matter most, my testimony, my faith, my knowledge that Father is in charge no matter what anyone else does. It wasn't me, it was the actions of someone else.
He loves me, knows of my goals, and is pained when I let other things get in the way of my peace and joy. Another lesson learned? I hope so!
Monday, August 1, 2011
DAY 313 --- Being Normal is often Drudgery
It is interesting to me as we continue to work toward our dream, there are days that could be, should be classified as a "downer." I mean, things don't go right, we seem to fail at what we attempt. We don't seem to have any help from Divine sources. We can see how we are not making progress toward any goal, let alone the one we desire most.
I can't understand it. I start the day doing all the things I have done other days to have the Spirit with me, to make progress toward our goal. Then everything seems to go crazy. It wasn't my fault. It just happened. Things fell apart.
So, I felt frustrated, sad, depressed, and questioning. In that kind of a mood, I could not being to be uplifting toward anyone. I did not want to serve, be nice, nor smile. I just wanted to wallow in the mire of my own creation. If anyone talked to me to say anything nice, I ignored them, or told them to go someplace else.
Why? Mortality weighed heavily on me. At least as far as I am concerned, I didn't do anything to bring it on. It just came.
I recall that the brethren often preach that these days will come. Joseph was put into jail too often and he was the prophet. When I think about the condition of my mental state and how I feel, I realize that it was truly my fault. I lost my faith in my Father. I lost my focus on the ultimate goal. Just because of one day, that doesn't mean failure. In fact it means more lessons to learn, more principles to understand, and more faith to develop. I guess I am just normal. But often I don't like being normal.
I can't understand it. I start the day doing all the things I have done other days to have the Spirit with me, to make progress toward our goal. Then everything seems to go crazy. It wasn't my fault. It just happened. Things fell apart.
So, I felt frustrated, sad, depressed, and questioning. In that kind of a mood, I could not being to be uplifting toward anyone. I did not want to serve, be nice, nor smile. I just wanted to wallow in the mire of my own creation. If anyone talked to me to say anything nice, I ignored them, or told them to go someplace else.
Why? Mortality weighed heavily on me. At least as far as I am concerned, I didn't do anything to bring it on. It just came.
I recall that the brethren often preach that these days will come. Joseph was put into jail too often and he was the prophet. When I think about the condition of my mental state and how I feel, I realize that it was truly my fault. I lost my faith in my Father. I lost my focus on the ultimate goal. Just because of one day, that doesn't mean failure. In fact it means more lessons to learn, more principles to understand, and more faith to develop. I guess I am just normal. But often I don't like being normal.
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