It is sad to relate that after sixty years of growing, learning, experiencing and questioning, I am still learning who I am. And maybe just as important, what am I supposed to do in this life for Father. Yes, I know, I have read my Patriarchal Blessing many times. I know it by heart almost. I know there are things that I have not done yet, things that I have. But how can I prepare for more of what Father wants me to do?
Who am I? I can say I am a father, grandfather, son, brother, High Priest, member of the church.... The list could go on and on. These things add to defining who I am. But I also struggle with who I should be. Who I am to certain people, who I am to Father.
He knows who I am, but I do not. I mean what talents are laying dormant in me that I need to develop, or identify and pursue? What abilities should I exercise in His behalf, in behalf of the Kingdom? Is there something that I should be doing that I am not?
Is Father proud of the life I am living, I have lived? Are there things that I still need to repent of? Are my prayers as effective and heart felt as they should be? Do I need to "become" something that I am not as yet?
You see there are many questions going through my mind in this question. I think of the "AS IF" principle. Should I act as if I am humble, smart, or handsome? Then I will be right? There are always questions along this line...
One of the greatest blessings that any parent can instill in their child is a firm, strong understanding of value. Most teens go astray because they do not know that they are of value and struggle with that for, often times, their whole lives.
Who am I? I would propose the years I have lived have taught me many things. Some of them help to identify that I am truly Father's son. Some of them, at times, let me know of His love, always there and always supporting me. Some of those years have prepared me for these years, and I know who I am. But there is still many lessons to learn about who I, a 62 year old, am. (NOTE: I just realized that I am married to a sixty four year old today. We just had the Beatles rendition of: "When I'm sixty four." Bonnie danced through it." ) Now for tomorrow, because of learning a lesson of who I am, at least a bit more added to that lesson, I am having a paradigm shift, I change of heart. Post about that tomorrow. However, let me conclude saying that "Who I Am" still haunts me off and on. It is not a given, and is something that I continue to work on, even at 62.
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