DAY 39 --- Clouds Above Our Head

I look at the title of this post, "DAY 39" and I am amazed.  Today is May 2 and we submitted our papers, we pushed the button on April 3.  One month and we wait.  Maybe they cannot find anywhere that would be suitable for people like Bon and me.  Or all the mission presidents have rejected us?  Or, in my lessons of patience, I have not learned even how to spell patience yet.  Who knows.

But it is only a a bit more than one small, short, month before we will have reached our goal that we set almost one year ago.  There have been miracles.  There have been set backs.  There have been witnesses.  There have been blessings.  There have been stupors as well as burning bosoms.

Our desire has not waned, in fact it has grown and become very vibrant.  We are continually talking about what will happen when we are finally there, wherever there is.  We can't make all the plans that will be necessary, but we are thinking, planning on the coming months, days, etc. 

I don't believe I have ever been in a position like this with Bonnie.  We are united about going.  We are excited and have mentally agreed that we would go wherever.  And now we are in a holding pattern. We are going, but where?  We are going but when? 

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."  It is difficult because we cannot plan.  It is a very interesting situation right now.  We cannot plan, yet.  Being in a holding pattern is a challenge.  It is sort of like circling around a city, high above the city, (in an airplane)  wondering when we will get to land. We have many things to do, but all we do is circle. 

Most often in this mortality, we have a place to go.  We have plans to get there.  We discuss with each other our goals and work toward them.  Part of that is real now, but part cannot be planned, worked toward until we know more than we do.  That holding pattern is very interesting.

Our friends, (Yes, we have a few), our family, others are asking what we cannot tell them, and they add to the challenge of the holding pattern.  They all say, "Be sure to let us know." 

This morning, I felt this circling pattern more than usual.  It was like a cloud over my head, perhaps a brain cloud? Perhaps it was because I did not sleep well.  Then as I read my Book of Mormon, I felt a peace flow over me, helping me learn faith, patience, and comfort. 

I firmly feel that if we do not touch bases with the Spirit through reading scriptures, praying, or something, there is probably a cloud above us.