DAY 162 -- My Mother ..... and Mother

Mom died three days after that ugly 9-11 event ten years ago.  For a time before she died, after serving in the Timp Temple in the Baptistery, I went up to Sandy and had lunch with her every Thursday.  We created wonderful memories, remembering growing up years, remembering dad, and many things.  Now those special days are only memories for me.  She was a wonderful mother and taught me most of what I know.  She was definitely a great influence in my life.

Fathers teach  often by saying nothing, but mothers are most often with us through our learning, formative years.  Thank goodness for mothers.  I remember one time when I was 18 years old, preparing for a mission.  I had a girl I was fond of and she was sitting next to me in sacrament meeting.  I held her hand and we did as young kids do.

Mother had a "concerned meeting" with me late that night.  She said she was concerned because of my actions toward this girl.  She was concerned that I would never serve a mission.  Needless  to say I was crushed.  I worried, and because of my feelings toward my mother, I was really considering never seeing her, no not my  mother, the girl, again. The next day, I went to talk to my father.  I told him the whole scenario and told him I thought mother was over reacting.  After I was done telling him everything, I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine and said nothing, just smiled.  It relieved the pressure, the worry, and the concern I had and I realized that all was well.  He taught me a boatload of things without saying anything.  (Now there were countless other times when he did not lack for words in his teaching.)

Getting back to mother.  In "O My Father" the famous hymn that I have not sung for a million or so seconds, it proposes that we do have a Mother in Heaven.  Knowing the feelings I have for my earthly mother and she has for me, I multiply that by a gazillion and try to imagine my Mother in Heaven.  When I ponder about Her, I feel peace, comfort, and know there is a Mother who loves me and knows me as much as my Father in Heaven.  I try to imagine what She looks like, Her compassion, and the relationship we once had, and we will have again, and I feel a loss, a desire to be caressed by Her once again.  In fact as I think about Her, and what She must be, I get tears in my eyes.  She must be all things pure, beautiful and loving.  I miss her.  A few times when I have been pondering about my Mother in Heaven, I have felt a thinning of the veil separating us.  She is there, aware of me, supporting me, and loving me.  I would assume it is hard for Her in this temporary separation, also. 

I miss my Mother, and my mother, both of them.  I love them both.  Because of my age, I know I am closer to seeing them again than the many years since leaving Mother in Heaven.  That gives some comfort, but not much.  I know She is not far away from Her children, that includes me.