DAY 346 I Guess I am Pregnant?

One of our goals was for me to lose about twenty excess pounds.  A few years ago, the daughter of a dear friend asked me, "Brother Partridge, are you pregnant?"  She was serious.  Needless to say, I learned out of the mouths of babes, come truth.  I started thinking that the whole ward knew that I was pregnant or at least largely overweight.  I used to watch others and comfortably say to myself, well he is much more overweight than I am.  I took comfort that others overate, gained many pounds, and that was my excuse. It was my comfort zone.  Then I started to dream that I was in the hospital and prepped to be the first male person to give birth.  The question was, what was I going to give birth to?

I have heard that we are what we eat.  Thus, I had this recurring nightmare (I assume it wasn't a vision, but a nightmare)  that I would give birth to a giant chocolate Easter Bunny.  (I wonder if Bunnies go through pain to deliver a baby?)

Then just this last week, my grandson said to me, "Grandpa, you are fat."  There was no smile with it.  There was no, "I was just kidding."  He was serious also.  Then he ran away to play.  Of course, you guessed it.  I started having that nightmare/vision again.  I was in labor with the doctor there this time.  He said he was worried that I may not make it through delivery cause the baby would be so large.  The baby? What baby?  A baby elephant?  A baby chocolate Elephant?

Well, I was just barely getting over the shocker of the recurring dreams, being pregnant, when I went to put on my belt.  Why would I need a belt since I am so fat?  If for no other reason, tradition?  The only problem was I couldn't put on my Levis any longer.  I had to wrestle and pull, and do as I have seen women do, (Don't  tell anyone) jump up and down hoping that the legs of the Levis would finally fit around  my pregnant legs.

I finally got those Levis onto my fat body and decided that maybe, just maybe I need to do something else to start losing my extra weight, but certainly NOT eliminating my chocolate.  There has to be another way to lose weight, right?

My beautiful wife says I have to eat to lose weight.  That doesn't make sense to me.  I do not eat breakfast, or a very little.  And once in a while I do not eat lunch and figure that I will lose a few pound in that manner.  However, when I weigh, I find I GAINED two pounds. You have to eat to lose weight.  I don't understand.  It doesn't make sense to me.  So, pass the chocolate and one of these days I will return to the hospital and give birth to a large, chocolate hippo.