It is amazing to see the days left slowly going down and the upcoming June 9th getting so much closer. Forty-one days left until our ultimate goal. Just a little over one month. It is impossible to try to envision what is coming beyond that. Where will we be, and what will we be doing?
Yesterday since it was the fifth Sunday our bishop taught us. He asked this question, "What is the hardest thing you have to do?" I pondered for about one nano-second and knew how I would respond. I would have, didn't but would have said, "Living what I know."
I know so many things. I know about faith. I know about the resurrection. I know about hope and charity. I know about positive attitude. I know about Father's love of me. I know how I should be living, using the principles I know and hold dear.
But living what I know is so difficult. If I could live what I know, I guess I would be perfect, for I know about enduring to the end, I know about loving my neighbor. I know about service, I know about having a prayer in my heart constantly. I know that Father is aware of us and is in control. I know all these things, but then what about the sins that do so easily beset me? (That is quoting from the Psalm of Nephi.)
I guess this is just mortality, struggling with living what we know, but that is my ultimate goal, to live what I know so well, to live what the Spirit and my earthly parents as well as my Heavenly Parents have taught me. Oh that I could live what I already know to be true.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
DAY 42 --- More Info. I Love Sunday.
Saturday, yesterday, Bonnie and I went for a long walk. We discussed the waiting game we are playing. We discussed our upcoming mission. We shared with each other our feelings, our visions, our goals, and we are very excited to be going together. I know that we shall have a glorious mission together, growing together as one, united in many more things than now.
I know the wonderful feeling of serving 24/7 with our Savior touching our minds and hearts what we can do every day, all day long in His work. We both shed tears of upcoming joy we shall feel on the mission.
We also recalled that when my parents were waiting for one of their calls, (they served four) they were touched as we are with this one. They went through a time of waiting, anticipating, hearing so many others promise things, say it was coming, inferring certain happenings, etc, and they continued to wait and wait.
In the reality of waiting, years from now it shall not matter these waiting days, weeks we are waiting without knowing knowing anything about the 'when".
Last night we went to a High Priest's party. Saw the bishop there and he said that he had been in contact with the Headquarters about us. The system is he sends in our papers and the headquarters checks out all things. They have the need to sort of approve us BEFORE the stake interviews us, according to the bishop. After all is arranged between the bishop and the headquarters, THEN the stake president calls us in to interview us and assure we are worthy to go. So according to the bishop, everything is "good" with the headquarters and soon we shall be called in to the President's office. Then within a week or so, we shall have our call.
At least that is the up to date word from the bishop as of right now. We are ready, and things ARE progressing.
Today, we get to go to church and let things move forward at their own pace. I thoroughly enjoy our time at church, seeking inspiration, comfort, and direction. I love Sundays.
I know the wonderful feeling of serving 24/7 with our Savior touching our minds and hearts what we can do every day, all day long in His work. We both shed tears of upcoming joy we shall feel on the mission.
We also recalled that when my parents were waiting for one of their calls, (they served four) they were touched as we are with this one. They went through a time of waiting, anticipating, hearing so many others promise things, say it was coming, inferring certain happenings, etc, and they continued to wait and wait.
In the reality of waiting, years from now it shall not matter these waiting days, weeks we are waiting without knowing knowing anything about the 'when".
Last night we went to a High Priest's party. Saw the bishop there and he said that he had been in contact with the Headquarters about us. The system is he sends in our papers and the headquarters checks out all things. They have the need to sort of approve us BEFORE the stake interviews us, according to the bishop. After all is arranged between the bishop and the headquarters, THEN the stake president calls us in to interview us and assure we are worthy to go. So according to the bishop, everything is "good" with the headquarters and soon we shall be called in to the President's office. Then within a week or so, we shall have our call.
At least that is the up to date word from the bishop as of right now. We are ready, and things ARE progressing.
Today, we get to go to church and let things move forward at their own pace. I thoroughly enjoy our time at church, seeking inspiration, comfort, and direction. I love Sundays.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
DAY 43 -- A Dream/Direction from Father
Yesterday we came up with the idea that perhaps there are things we need to do before we get our mission call. So, we started thinking about what we may need to do. Still thinking. What has to be done by one of us that no one else can do. Then there is always the idea that we have not learned a lesson we need to learn. So we strive to be more in tune to be taught. Or we need to be more patient, which is a given...
Then we thought about the idea that perhaps we are doing something we should not be doing and need to repent to be ready for a mission call. Then on the flip side, perhaps there are things we SHOULD be doing that we are not doing. So our we continue to think, ponder, analyze, and try to figure out what is going on. In the long run, or better said, ultimately, it is in Father's hands and when He wants us to go on a mission, things will progress and we will go. And who's to say they are not progressing right now, even though we know not of how they are progressing.
I had a vision, idea, or just a dream last night. I felt that before we going on our mission, I need to have a PPI or an interview with my kids and their spouses. It is something that I feel I need to do. I am not sure of the particulars yet, individually, jointly with the two of them or what, but I shall be asking and seeking further direction. Should both Bonnie and I do them? I will seek further inspiration.
I believe it to be a great idea before we go. I hope that I can find out how it should be done from the one who gave it to me in the first place. Just trying to follow dictates.
Bonnie said the other day the same thing I have thought all along. Perhaps this is all a dream. Perhaps we have been imagining going on a mission. Did we really fill out paper work? Did we get medical attention and pay over $2500 to get ready, or was it all a dream? Are we really waiting for something? Or is it a joint (I guess you could interpret that as a smoke, a pot or something that gives us hallucinations?, isn't that what a joint is?) dream that we both share?
It is certainly interested what activity our minds are going through.
Then we thought about the idea that perhaps we are doing something we should not be doing and need to repent to be ready for a mission call. Then on the flip side, perhaps there are things we SHOULD be doing that we are not doing. So our we continue to think, ponder, analyze, and try to figure out what is going on. In the long run, or better said, ultimately, it is in Father's hands and when He wants us to go on a mission, things will progress and we will go. And who's to say they are not progressing right now, even though we know not of how they are progressing.
I had a vision, idea, or just a dream last night. I felt that before we going on our mission, I need to have a PPI or an interview with my kids and their spouses. It is something that I feel I need to do. I am not sure of the particulars yet, individually, jointly with the two of them or what, but I shall be asking and seeking further direction. Should both Bonnie and I do them? I will seek further inspiration.
I believe it to be a great idea before we go. I hope that I can find out how it should be done from the one who gave it to me in the first place. Just trying to follow dictates.
Bonnie said the other day the same thing I have thought all along. Perhaps this is all a dream. Perhaps we have been imagining going on a mission. Did we really fill out paper work? Did we get medical attention and pay over $2500 to get ready, or was it all a dream? Are we really waiting for something? Or is it a joint (I guess you could interpret that as a smoke, a pot or something that gives us hallucinations?, isn't that what a joint is?) dream that we both share?
It is certainly interested what activity our minds are going through.
Friday, April 27, 2012
DAY 44 --- Not My Will, But His Be Done
It has been almost two weeks since we were interviewed by our bishop. When telling others, they keep asking why it is taking so long. We keep saying we do not know, however, there must be a great reason. We strive to live by faith. Father often does things, makes things happen without telling us the reasons why.
Bonnie was telling me this morning about this other couple we know. When they first filled out their mission papers, the sister stated in no uncertain terms that they would not go to Russia. Of course when the mission call came, it was a call to Russia. She stated that she would NOT go to Russia. Their mission was changed and they went to another location.
They had a good mission and returned home. After a time, they decided to go on another mission. They filled out the paper work and again stated that she would not serve in Russia. Once again the call came back that they were called to serve in Russia. After some soul searching, the sister decided that they would go to Russia.
As they arrived in Russia, they met with their Mission President. He assigned them to go to a prison and see if they could do any missionary work in that prison. As they began, she was surprised to meet her son. (Don't stop reading here, and close your gaping mouth, and read on...) The two senior missionaries had thought he was dead a long time earlier and were surprised (to say the least) that he was in the prison they were assigned to.
I don't know any more than that. But you can imagine the shock, the realization that if they would have come their first mission, they would have discovered about their son much earlier.
The Lord knows what He is doing, where missionaries are called, when they are called, and why they are called to certain places. I know that He will call us where He needs us. I am quite certain that we will not discover we have a son in prison in some certain country. But I am also certain that there will be reasons why we are called, and when we are called, even the interview with the Stake President will come according to His dictates.
Throughout our papers, though we put down a few desires, we also put down that we would serve wherever He calls us. It is sad to realize that at times when we rebel from His wishes, He will permit us to rebel, but at times blessings are withheld when we feel our will, our desire, our plans are more important than His. He will force no man, but He will award blessings as we follow His chosen leaders. We will go anywhere, even to Russia.
Bonnie was telling me this morning about this other couple we know. When they first filled out their mission papers, the sister stated in no uncertain terms that they would not go to Russia. Of course when the mission call came, it was a call to Russia. She stated that she would NOT go to Russia. Their mission was changed and they went to another location.
They had a good mission and returned home. After a time, they decided to go on another mission. They filled out the paper work and again stated that she would not serve in Russia. Once again the call came back that they were called to serve in Russia. After some soul searching, the sister decided that they would go to Russia.
As they arrived in Russia, they met with their Mission President. He assigned them to go to a prison and see if they could do any missionary work in that prison. As they began, she was surprised to meet her son. (Don't stop reading here, and close your gaping mouth, and read on...) The two senior missionaries had thought he was dead a long time earlier and were surprised (to say the least) that he was in the prison they were assigned to.
I don't know any more than that. But you can imagine the shock, the realization that if they would have come their first mission, they would have discovered about their son much earlier.
The Lord knows what He is doing, where missionaries are called, when they are called, and why they are called to certain places. I know that He will call us where He needs us. I am quite certain that we will not discover we have a son in prison in some certain country. But I am also certain that there will be reasons why we are called, and when we are called, even the interview with the Stake President will come according to His dictates.
Throughout our papers, though we put down a few desires, we also put down that we would serve wherever He calls us. It is sad to realize that at times when we rebel from His wishes, He will permit us to rebel, but at times blessings are withheld when we feel our will, our desire, our plans are more important than His. He will force no man, but He will award blessings as we follow His chosen leaders. We will go anywhere, even to Russia.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
DAY 45 -- The Other End Of The Stick
Bonnie made a comment that I totally agree with. She said that this waiting is part of our mission. Filling out the paperword, submitting it, getting medical attention, all of these things, even the waiting for the interviews are all part of our mission. If is as if we are serving right now.
When we used to go away for the weekend, go on a vacation, or just go do something out of the ordinary, Bonnie insisted that the planning was almost more fun than the actual doing. Planning a weekend away from home, from kids, from work, from those things was a great "high" for her. She loves to plan, organize, cross every t and dot every i. Everything has to be planned, organized, and "spritually" created before we can go. I quietly watch her do her preparation, enjoy her efforts, and be excited as if we are already doing it.
Well, I guess this preparation for a mission should be the same thing. The preparation is part of the serving. Filling out papers, going to doctors, getting interviewed are all part of the mission. It is as if we are already serving our mission.
Though it seems that a day cannot go by but we discuss the "why's" of this, the reasons of that, and especially the waiting. But if this is part of our mission, we just need to chill, sit back and watch miracles unfold. I can recall many times in my life, in our lives when we have done all we can do, and now it is time to just sit back and wait and leave it all in the Lord's hands. He knows what He is doing. We do not. So we live by faith, knowing that He knows that we know that He knows.
That is a lesson for us to learn and remember, especially in the coming 18 months. We do all we can do, and then leave it in His hands. It should be comforting. We do all we can, pray and tell Him we have done all we have been inspired to do, and then wait. If there is anything more we should do, tell us, but we await His direction, His decision, His action.
I have heard it said that when you pick up one end of a stick, you also pick up the other end. By filling out paper work, by doing the preparation, we are picking up one end of the stick. The other end of the stick I think is stuck in the mud and won't come free. It will one day, but until then, we have to be grasping onto our end of the stick.
What will the other end of the stick teach us?
When we used to go away for the weekend, go on a vacation, or just go do something out of the ordinary, Bonnie insisted that the planning was almost more fun than the actual doing. Planning a weekend away from home, from kids, from work, from those things was a great "high" for her. She loves to plan, organize, cross every t and dot every i. Everything has to be planned, organized, and "spritually" created before we can go. I quietly watch her do her preparation, enjoy her efforts, and be excited as if we are already doing it.
Well, I guess this preparation for a mission should be the same thing. The preparation is part of the serving. Filling out papers, going to doctors, getting interviewed are all part of the mission. It is as if we are already serving our mission.
Though it seems that a day cannot go by but we discuss the "why's" of this, the reasons of that, and especially the waiting. But if this is part of our mission, we just need to chill, sit back and watch miracles unfold. I can recall many times in my life, in our lives when we have done all we can do, and now it is time to just sit back and wait and leave it all in the Lord's hands. He knows what He is doing. We do not. So we live by faith, knowing that He knows that we know that He knows.
That is a lesson for us to learn and remember, especially in the coming 18 months. We do all we can do, and then leave it in His hands. It should be comforting. We do all we can, pray and tell Him we have done all we have been inspired to do, and then wait. If there is anything more we should do, tell us, but we await His direction, His decision, His action.
I have heard it said that when you pick up one end of a stick, you also pick up the other end. By filling out paper work, by doing the preparation, we are picking up one end of the stick. The other end of the stick I think is stuck in the mud and won't come free. It will one day, but until then, we have to be grasping onto our end of the stick.
What will the other end of the stick teach us?
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
DAY 46.5 --- Feel Joy Today
This morning I asked Father to please bless me with patience, positive attitude, hope in our future, and joy. I mean, after all, man (that includes women and all) is that he might have joy. I came to work and, as always happens when one prays for peace and comfort, everything was in turmoil. I had to dive right in and strive to resolve all the headaches, and be worthy of that joy I sought.
Well, it took me a few hours, and then I felt a joyous feeling descend upon my heart. Nothing has really changed. We are still waiting for our appointment with our Stake President. We are still where we were before. But, Father has seen fit to bless me with joy, with peace, and with faith in Him and His management of our lives. As I wrote a minute ago, nothing has changed, but rather than dwell upon the frustrations that still beset me, I am feeling a joy, a peace, and the love of an Eternal Father. He knows me, He loves me, He is managing events, circumstances, people, and problems I have. It is such a peaceful feeling.
It is up to me. I have to seek it, want it, and then be worthy of it. I have to watch for it, and recognize it and nurture that feeling of faith in Father and watch for witnesses of His love in my life. Too often I feel, not depressed, sad and lonely, but dwelling too much on things I cannot change and wishing for things that I want, no matter Father's time table. Too often my mind is not where I want it to be, but floating around in the mortal events of life. Too often I am unaware of the many blessings I enjoy every day, my eternal and mission companion, and what is in front of us. All too often I am in the attitude of depression rather than the attitude of gratitude, for the attitude of gratitude invites the spirit of peace, comfort, and hope in today and tomorrow.
Thanks for the peace, hope, faith I feel strongly today. I must work on keeping it now, nurturing it and retaining it, for all other things are insignificant when that happens. I feel joy!
Well, it took me a few hours, and then I felt a joyous feeling descend upon my heart. Nothing has really changed. We are still waiting for our appointment with our Stake President. We are still where we were before. But, Father has seen fit to bless me with joy, with peace, and with faith in Him and His management of our lives. As I wrote a minute ago, nothing has changed, but rather than dwell upon the frustrations that still beset me, I am feeling a joy, a peace, and the love of an Eternal Father. He knows me, He loves me, He is managing events, circumstances, people, and problems I have. It is such a peaceful feeling.
It is up to me. I have to seek it, want it, and then be worthy of it. I have to watch for it, and recognize it and nurture that feeling of faith in Father and watch for witnesses of His love in my life. Too often I feel, not depressed, sad and lonely, but dwelling too much on things I cannot change and wishing for things that I want, no matter Father's time table. Too often my mind is not where I want it to be, but floating around in the mortal events of life. Too often I am unaware of the many blessings I enjoy every day, my eternal and mission companion, and what is in front of us. All too often I am in the attitude of depression rather than the attitude of gratitude, for the attitude of gratitude invites the spirit of peace, comfort, and hope in today and tomorrow.
Thanks for the peace, hope, faith I feel strongly today. I must work on keeping it now, nurturing it and retaining it, for all other things are insignificant when that happens. I feel joy!
DAY 46 --- WAITING
As I read the Book of Mormon, so many things happen in one verse. Often in the matter of a few pages of this book, hundreds of years pass. Then in another place, the verses tell a story, specifically, almost minute by minute. It is interesting.
As I am now reading again about the war chapters in Alma, it is interesting that in one chapter, often we are told what happens and then we are told one whole year has passed away. Some times in one verse, one year passes.
In one year there are 365 days, or 8760 hours. One verse covers 8760 hours. I am sure there were many who lost testimonies, many who were baptised, many who died from battles, and many who were born during that one verse. I am sure there were many prophets who preached on walls of cities, many who left the church, many who were stones, many who participated in secret combinations, etc. But we are not told anything about what happened during those 8760 hours.
The Lamanites and Nephites were engaged in battles for many years. I am sure there were many things that happened that we are not told about. There were many hours, days, and perhaps even years of waiting.
Bonnie and I are waiting for an interview that must happen before our papers are sent to SLC. We assume it may happen before the final 46 days of this blog, before June 9. But if it doesn't and we have to wait until then, or even longer, so be it.
As we live in this mortality, we are controlled by the clock, by that second hand that slowly crawls around the numbers on the dial. We have one on our wrist, or contained within our phone, Ipod, or whatever "I" things people have these days. We have schedules where we NEED to be somewhere at this time. We need to have this done by that time. If this doesn't happen, the world will end. If that doesn't happen by this time, everything will be destroyed.
As we wait for our interview, and then after our papers are sent into the Headquarters, we will wait again. Then when we get our call, we will be waiting again.
We are all surrounded by waiting. A woman waits for nine (often longer) months to have a baby. A man waits on his boss for a raise, or a compliment. We are waiting for the traffic light to change. We wait for promised blessings mentioned in our Patriarchal Blessing. We anxiously await a special anticipated event.
If waiting is so common and surrounds us all the time, then why can't we (ME) learn the lesson of patience, of waiting with style, of knowing all things happen in His timing, and be happy, pleasant, and joyful through our waiting. (His timing is never late, for all happen according to Eternal Time) I, for one, have not learned that lesson. And if I continue after June 9th things with this blog, I am sure this will be a theme that I will constantly be affronted with. Wish I could learn it NOW.
As I am now reading again about the war chapters in Alma, it is interesting that in one chapter, often we are told what happens and then we are told one whole year has passed away. Some times in one verse, one year passes.
In one year there are 365 days, or 8760 hours. One verse covers 8760 hours. I am sure there were many who lost testimonies, many who were baptised, many who died from battles, and many who were born during that one verse. I am sure there were many prophets who preached on walls of cities, many who left the church, many who were stones, many who participated in secret combinations, etc. But we are not told anything about what happened during those 8760 hours.
The Lamanites and Nephites were engaged in battles for many years. I am sure there were many things that happened that we are not told about. There were many hours, days, and perhaps even years of waiting.
Bonnie and I are waiting for an interview that must happen before our papers are sent to SLC. We assume it may happen before the final 46 days of this blog, before June 9. But if it doesn't and we have to wait until then, or even longer, so be it.
As we live in this mortality, we are controlled by the clock, by that second hand that slowly crawls around the numbers on the dial. We have one on our wrist, or contained within our phone, Ipod, or whatever "I" things people have these days. We have schedules where we NEED to be somewhere at this time. We need to have this done by that time. If this doesn't happen, the world will end. If that doesn't happen by this time, everything will be destroyed.
As we wait for our interview, and then after our papers are sent into the Headquarters, we will wait again. Then when we get our call, we will be waiting again.
We are all surrounded by waiting. A woman waits for nine (often longer) months to have a baby. A man waits on his boss for a raise, or a compliment. We are waiting for the traffic light to change. We wait for promised blessings mentioned in our Patriarchal Blessing. We anxiously await a special anticipated event.
If waiting is so common and surrounds us all the time, then why can't we (ME) learn the lesson of patience, of waiting with style, of knowing all things happen in His timing, and be happy, pleasant, and joyful through our waiting. (His timing is never late, for all happen according to Eternal Time) I, for one, have not learned that lesson. And if I continue after June 9th things with this blog, I am sure this will be a theme that I will constantly be affronted with. Wish I could learn it NOW.
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