It is sad to relate that after sixty years of growing, learning, experiencing and questioning, I am still learning who I am. And maybe just as important, what am I supposed to do in this life for Father. Yes, I know, I have read my Patriarchal Blessing many times. I know it by heart almost. I know there are things that I have not done yet, things that I have. But how can I prepare for more of what Father wants me to do?
Who am I? I can say I am a father, grandfather, son, brother, High Priest, member of the church.... The list could go on and on. These things add to defining who I am. But I also struggle with who I should be. Who I am to certain people, who I am to Father.
He knows who I am, but I do not. I mean what talents are laying dormant in me that I need to develop, or identify and pursue? What abilities should I exercise in His behalf, in behalf of the Kingdom? Is there something that I should be doing that I am not?
Is Father proud of the life I am living, I have lived? Are there things that I still need to repent of? Are my prayers as effective and heart felt as they should be? Do I need to "become" something that I am not as yet?
You see there are many questions going through my mind in this question. I think of the "AS IF" principle. Should I act as if I am humble, smart, or handsome? Then I will be right? There are always questions along this line...
One of the greatest blessings that any parent can instill in their child is a firm, strong understanding of value. Most teens go astray because they do not know that they are of value and struggle with that for, often times, their whole lives.
Who am I? I would propose the years I have lived have taught me many things. Some of them help to identify that I am truly Father's son. Some of them, at times, let me know of His love, always there and always supporting me. Some of those years have prepared me for these years, and I know who I am. But there is still many lessons to learn about who I, a 62 year old, am. (NOTE: I just realized that I am married to a sixty four year old today. We just had the Beatles rendition of: "When I'm sixty four." Bonnie danced through it." ) Now for tomorrow, because of learning a lesson of who I am, at least a bit more added to that lesson, I am having a paradigm shift, I change of heart. Post about that tomorrow. However, let me conclude saying that "Who I Am" still haunts me off and on. It is not a given, and is something that I continue to work on, even at 62.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
DAY 125 -- Who Am I
One of the most important things we do in this life is find out who we are. I have spent over 60 years trying to figure that out. I am still learning. Yesterday I was asked by a Primary worker if I would teach Primary. It is one of the few things I have not done in the Kingdom. I recall my experience trying to be the teachers advisor. It was hard. That is a difficult challenge.
I have been asked to substitute teaching in Primary a few times, and the time I did, it was very hard. Someone once told me that I should never teach young kids, I should stick with adults. I feel I am a decent adult teachers. Once in High Priests they asked what talent we felt we had and then share what we thought we needed to improve on. I said I felt I was a good teacher, and I also felt that I needed to improve on my teaching.
Well, back to learning. I asked Bonnie to go with me to hold my hand. Well, it went pretty well, especially when I let the expert, Bonnie, and the Spirit teach more than I did. I again discovered that I would have to be taught, trained, and helped in teaching young kids if I was ever called there.
I realize that Bonnie waited until she was around 40 years old before she knew she had a talent for writing music. During that period of time, she wrote many, many songs, all of which were wonderful, uplifting and inspirational. Since she did that a bit later in life, I guess I can learn to teach young kids later in life, say around age 60?
Identifying who we are consists of learning what we can do and are good at. It also means learning what talents we have and perhaps have not known about before. It means having Spirit teach us more about who we are and who we have been.
We all have an identity, a personality, and we are a certain individual personality. Part of mortality is identifying that person. Often it takes many years to find out who we are. Even at age 60 + I am learning who I am, and who I am not. Consider these questions. Was I valiant in the testimony of Christ? Did I know you before I came here? Are we Pre-Earth friends? Did I promise to do more than I have done thus far in my life? Do I have talents that I have not developed yet? Is there someone I need to be, or is there someone I should know that I have not known about? How can I know stronger about Jesus, Father and Mother in Heaven? Is there a work I need to do NOW?
The questions are many and unanswered. Tomorrow I will post more about "Know Thyself," for I feel it is something that we all need to work on. But more importantly, I need to know more about who I am.
I have been asked to substitute teaching in Primary a few times, and the time I did, it was very hard. Someone once told me that I should never teach young kids, I should stick with adults. I feel I am a decent adult teachers. Once in High Priests they asked what talent we felt we had and then share what we thought we needed to improve on. I said I felt I was a good teacher, and I also felt that I needed to improve on my teaching.
Well, back to learning. I asked Bonnie to go with me to hold my hand. Well, it went pretty well, especially when I let the expert, Bonnie, and the Spirit teach more than I did. I again discovered that I would have to be taught, trained, and helped in teaching young kids if I was ever called there.
I realize that Bonnie waited until she was around 40 years old before she knew she had a talent for writing music. During that period of time, she wrote many, many songs, all of which were wonderful, uplifting and inspirational. Since she did that a bit later in life, I guess I can learn to teach young kids later in life, say around age 60?
Identifying who we are consists of learning what we can do and are good at. It also means learning what talents we have and perhaps have not known about before. It means having Spirit teach us more about who we are and who we have been.
We all have an identity, a personality, and we are a certain individual personality. Part of mortality is identifying that person. Often it takes many years to find out who we are. Even at age 60 + I am learning who I am, and who I am not. Consider these questions. Was I valiant in the testimony of Christ? Did I know you before I came here? Are we Pre-Earth friends? Did I promise to do more than I have done thus far in my life? Do I have talents that I have not developed yet? Is there someone I need to be, or is there someone I should know that I have not known about? How can I know stronger about Jesus, Father and Mother in Heaven? Is there a work I need to do NOW?
The questions are many and unanswered. Tomorrow I will post more about "Know Thyself," for I feel it is something that we all need to work on. But more importantly, I need to know more about who I am.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
DAY 126 -- Perfecting the Saints, Proclaim the Gospel
As I started to read through our mission papers, another thought crossed my mind. Of the three fold mission of the church, most would assume that a mission is part of the "Proclaim the Gospel." As I ponder about the "Redeem the Dead" I am pleased to report that our ward is doing work for Elsie Schaubel Partridge. She died in 1960 and a few months ago touched my sister's mind and told her to do the Schaubel line. She did and sent the nearly 200 names to me. I talked with my bishop and now the ward is working on her line.
Now we get back to the 'Proclaim the Gospel" part of the church. When reading the mission papers we are starting to fill out, the brethren explain in those papers often a mission for the seniors is more for "Perfect the Saints" rather than proclaiming the gospel. The young missionaries are involved with proclaiming while the seniors are often more involved in perfecting the members, showing them how to serve, love, and strengthen other members.
Senior missionaries are not required to learn a language. They are not required to proselyte nor teach lessons. They are not involved in the proclaiming of the truths we all love. They are more often called to activate, strengthen, teach other members, etc.
When I was called as bishop many years ago, I had the desire to translate our ward. I could see, feel the beauties of Zion and unity. (In case you were wondering, I didn't quite achieve that goal, but it was a good one.) And now since we will be soon involved with perfecting the saints all over the world, isn't preparing a people for Zion part of perfecting the saints. What does perfecting the saints involved? Is it taking the testimonies that someone already has and helping them endure well and become perfected?
That can happen in our wards today as well as in the mission field all across the globe. I have always loved the concept of establishing Zion. I love the scriptures involving Zion and pursuing it. As the world turns more wicked and Satan's grasp gets stronger, there is a urgent need to know Zion and work toward it. I would assume that we will be doing so when the Lord calls us to a location, perfecting the saints as well as "calling" on a peculiar people to know, understand, and work towards becoming a Zion..
The whole concept that rings through my mind is using the talents and visions, and dreams and pre-earth preparation to serve our Father in His work to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man in all three missions of the church. Perhaps we will find out that our mission will involve all three missions rather than just one or even two.
Now we get back to the 'Proclaim the Gospel" part of the church. When reading the mission papers we are starting to fill out, the brethren explain in those papers often a mission for the seniors is more for "Perfect the Saints" rather than proclaiming the gospel. The young missionaries are involved with proclaiming while the seniors are often more involved in perfecting the members, showing them how to serve, love, and strengthen other members.
Senior missionaries are not required to learn a language. They are not required to proselyte nor teach lessons. They are not involved in the proclaiming of the truths we all love. They are more often called to activate, strengthen, teach other members, etc.
When I was called as bishop many years ago, I had the desire to translate our ward. I could see, feel the beauties of Zion and unity. (In case you were wondering, I didn't quite achieve that goal, but it was a good one.) And now since we will be soon involved with perfecting the saints all over the world, isn't preparing a people for Zion part of perfecting the saints. What does perfecting the saints involved? Is it taking the testimonies that someone already has and helping them endure well and become perfected?
That can happen in our wards today as well as in the mission field all across the globe. I have always loved the concept of establishing Zion. I love the scriptures involving Zion and pursuing it. As the world turns more wicked and Satan's grasp gets stronger, there is a urgent need to know Zion and work toward it. I would assume that we will be doing so when the Lord calls us to a location, perfecting the saints as well as "calling" on a peculiar people to know, understand, and work towards becoming a Zion..
The whole concept that rings through my mind is using the talents and visions, and dreams and pre-earth preparation to serve our Father in His work to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man in all three missions of the church. Perhaps we will find out that our mission will involve all three missions rather than just one or even two.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
DAY 127 -- FOCUS
As I read my Book of Mormon today, I read those infamous Isaiah chapters. I always read through them quickly feeling that there isn't much in there that will touch me. Dumb, I know. Really dumb. Well this morning, I read things I have read many times before. But this time I felt the "spirit" of the book. I pondered that Nephi put those chapters in there for our day, for me. He was touched by the Spirit of revelation to include those Isaiah chapters for our/my benefit.
I slowed down and started reading them more purposely. I don't pretend to say that I started understanding everything I read that was written in Isaiah. But I did feel a special feeling of Father telling me that He was pleased that I was reading and the concept that it was His book. I read things that told me that His purposes will roll forth, no unhallowed hand shall prevent His work from progressing, etc. (I have heard that somewhere, I am sure.) If I change my focus, perhaps things may change.
So on the way to work this morning, I realized that my focus had been on what I don't have, rather than what I do have. I have been worried that I am not appreciated, I am not being paid according to my abilities, I am not understood, etc. I have been frustrated that things are not going as I planned them. I have been focusing on the negative, those things that could and have made me lamenting on what could have been, or should be. But as I read my scriptures this morning, I realized that I should be focusing on things as they are and realize that there are great blessings as they are. Why get depressed on things as I think they should be? Why not be joyful and peaceful with things as they are?
Sure, I don't have many things that we would love to have, but I do have many things to be thankful for. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about me, it is what Father thinks about me and how I act and react with what I do have. As I focus on Father and His will in my life and the lives of those that live with me, are in my family, and those I associate with, then I forget those things that could, and often do, make me sad and lonely, frustrated and angry.
So, I need to readjust my focus. There are so many miracles all around me. There are so many things to be grateful for. And if I start thinking about things that are important to Father, feelings, testimonies of others, how I can uplift others, how I can smile at others and shock them and change their day, etc, I will start to feel joy that Father is with me, touching my mind and those things that are not as I would have them. Focus on the good stuff and then there will be more good stuff to focus on.
I slowed down and started reading them more purposely. I don't pretend to say that I started understanding everything I read that was written in Isaiah. But I did feel a special feeling of Father telling me that He was pleased that I was reading and the concept that it was His book. I read things that told me that His purposes will roll forth, no unhallowed hand shall prevent His work from progressing, etc. (I have heard that somewhere, I am sure.) If I change my focus, perhaps things may change.
So on the way to work this morning, I realized that my focus had been on what I don't have, rather than what I do have. I have been worried that I am not appreciated, I am not being paid according to my abilities, I am not understood, etc. I have been frustrated that things are not going as I planned them. I have been focusing on the negative, those things that could and have made me lamenting on what could have been, or should be. But as I read my scriptures this morning, I realized that I should be focusing on things as they are and realize that there are great blessings as they are. Why get depressed on things as I think they should be? Why not be joyful and peaceful with things as they are?
Sure, I don't have many things that we would love to have, but I do have many things to be thankful for. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about me, it is what Father thinks about me and how I act and react with what I do have. As I focus on Father and His will in my life and the lives of those that live with me, are in my family, and those I associate with, then I forget those things that could, and often do, make me sad and lonely, frustrated and angry.
So, I need to readjust my focus. There are so many miracles all around me. There are so many things to be grateful for. And if I start thinking about things that are important to Father, feelings, testimonies of others, how I can uplift others, how I can smile at others and shock them and change their day, etc, I will start to feel joy that Father is with me, touching my mind and those things that are not as I would have them. Focus on the good stuff and then there will be more good stuff to focus on.
Friday, February 3, 2012
DAY 128 -- Building a Ship, and Going and Doing
We now have our mission papers. You would not believe how many questions they ask us. Would you believe 55 pages. It is going to take us four months just to fill out the pages for the application. They ask how many stairs we can climb? How long can we stay up at night? Do we win every time we play scrabble? Did I enjoy being a speed bump that one time? Do I like the Y or the U? Will I be impartial if I am called to be a ball boy at Cougar Stadium? Can I love my neighbor when they are not doing according to my wishes? I mean, you would not believe it. Perhaps you would.
It is another step toward a mission call. It is exciting to know that we are starting along the path to leave this area and enter another where we will be serving the Lord twenty four/seven.
Bonnie continually reminds me that we are building a ship like Nephi. We have the blue prints, and are pursuing it through thick and thin. We have been told where to get the ore, and given an idea how to smelt it into whatever is needed in our ship. We are alone, but we have many kids, and loved ones praying for us to finish the preparation of our ship.
I have never build ship, at least this size. When I was young, I built a kayak and went to Mexico. Now I am building a cruise ship to go to India? Or was that Korea? We build a ship that will take us wherever across the globe. Father is helping us with many tender mercies when we encounter any obstacle. We are both working on this ship, both excited about where it will take us, but not really caring where our destination shall be. He knows, and that is all that matters.
Soon we have to start preparing this ship by visiting inspectors who will check out our workmanship. In other words, he will inspect our bodies to see if they will hold up in different parts of the world. We would like to have all these medical things taken care of by April so we can send in our papers of application.
I remember one of my sons having his mission changed because of a bowel obstruction. I am sure many missions are modified as to where because of health. I feel we are both healthy enough that we could go anywhere, even the Moon, or Mercury, or Mars, or that place that is no longer a planet, Pluto.
We will go where He wants us to go. That song takes on a much different meaning when we are so close to going. Called to Serve is also another one that is difficult to sing, for the tears get in the way. There are many hymns that touch the heart strings and lend joy and excitement as we sing some of them. We will go and do..
It is another step toward a mission call. It is exciting to know that we are starting along the path to leave this area and enter another where we will be serving the Lord twenty four/seven.
Bonnie continually reminds me that we are building a ship like Nephi. We have the blue prints, and are pursuing it through thick and thin. We have been told where to get the ore, and given an idea how to smelt it into whatever is needed in our ship. We are alone, but we have many kids, and loved ones praying for us to finish the preparation of our ship.
I have never build ship, at least this size. When I was young, I built a kayak and went to Mexico. Now I am building a cruise ship to go to India? Or was that Korea? We build a ship that will take us wherever across the globe. Father is helping us with many tender mercies when we encounter any obstacle. We are both working on this ship, both excited about where it will take us, but not really caring where our destination shall be. He knows, and that is all that matters.
Soon we have to start preparing this ship by visiting inspectors who will check out our workmanship. In other words, he will inspect our bodies to see if they will hold up in different parts of the world. We would like to have all these medical things taken care of by April so we can send in our papers of application.
I remember one of my sons having his mission changed because of a bowel obstruction. I am sure many missions are modified as to where because of health. I feel we are both healthy enough that we could go anywhere, even the Moon, or Mercury, or Mars, or that place that is no longer a planet, Pluto.
We will go where He wants us to go. That song takes on a much different meaning when we are so close to going. Called to Serve is also another one that is difficult to sing, for the tears get in the way. There are many hymns that touch the heart strings and lend joy and excitement as we sing some of them. We will go and do..
Thursday, February 2, 2012
DAY 129 -- That We Might Have JOY!
I was asked today how long it had been since I felt joy. Good question. Man is that we might have joy. Am I in a circumstance that prevents joy in my life? I am letting "things" effect me so I have not felt joy for a time?
I once did the research to write a book on joy entitled, "We are that we might have joy." I asked about twenty people what things brought joy to them. Most were older and most said that their children brought them joy in one way or another. I remember many said that seeing their children, and even grandchildren excel gave them great amounts of joy.
Some younger kids said that money brought them joy. One said a certain kind of food brought him joy. I would assume that little kids would say that a clean bottom, or a bottle of warm milk would being joy, or at least not anger or pain.
I remember many places in the Book of Mormon there are places where some were so overcome with joy that it exceeded their physical strength. I have not heard of any experience like that happening in this day and age, but it may and is not talked about.
I remember reading that a totally repentant soul could enjoy this amount of joy, but those with any sort of sin, or misdeeds that had not been repented of could not experience this "fullness of joy" and have his strength overcome with joy.
I once had an experience that approached that extreme joy. It was something that I had never experienced, nor have since. It was something that was beyond description, pure joy. It made me forget everything else, it was pure joy and happiness. It was total contentment, and made me want to shout, yell, smile, share with others, etc.
Joy is such a fleeting experience, a hard to find feeling, one that is hard to keep in one's mind and heart. Joy is another goal to pursue. I would imagine when one is surrounded in the mission field, serving loved ones, not permitting the things of the world to destroy or influence, one would feel something approaching joy. Service bring joy. Man and woman ARE that we might have joy. What a goal to seek!
I once did the research to write a book on joy entitled, "We are that we might have joy." I asked about twenty people what things brought joy to them. Most were older and most said that their children brought them joy in one way or another. I remember many said that seeing their children, and even grandchildren excel gave them great amounts of joy.
Some younger kids said that money brought them joy. One said a certain kind of food brought him joy. I would assume that little kids would say that a clean bottom, or a bottle of warm milk would being joy, or at least not anger or pain.
I remember many places in the Book of Mormon there are places where some were so overcome with joy that it exceeded their physical strength. I have not heard of any experience like that happening in this day and age, but it may and is not talked about.
I remember reading that a totally repentant soul could enjoy this amount of joy, but those with any sort of sin, or misdeeds that had not been repented of could not experience this "fullness of joy" and have his strength overcome with joy.
I once had an experience that approached that extreme joy. It was something that I had never experienced, nor have since. It was something that was beyond description, pure joy. It made me forget everything else, it was pure joy and happiness. It was total contentment, and made me want to shout, yell, smile, share with others, etc.
Joy is such a fleeting experience, a hard to find feeling, one that is hard to keep in one's mind and heart. Joy is another goal to pursue. I would imagine when one is surrounded in the mission field, serving loved ones, not permitting the things of the world to destroy or influence, one would feel something approaching joy. Service bring joy. Man and woman ARE that we might have joy. What a goal to seek!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
DAY 130 --- Small and Simple Things Once Again
Following up with yesterday, I still feel the miracles and tender mercies when the little things happen. I know most of us pray for the big and grandiose things. We want a new car, a raise, someone to change their attitude to make our life easier, our boss to get transferred, our car to be fixed for only a few dollars, batteries for the car would only cost a few dollars, our house would be renovated as they do on television, a rich uncle dies and leaves us a million dollars, etc.
Perhaps instead of thinking of and praying for the great, large things, I am going to try to offer gratitude and think of the many, many smaller things that surround me. For instance: Health when we do not have any health insurance, protection while we drive too fast, not getting too fat when we eat too much sugar, realizing we are blessed with the events of each day, having a wonderful family, have a testimony of the truth, feeling the Holy Ghost give us comfort when other trials attack us, etc. There are so many smaller blessings in our every day life, but I do not recognize them, we most often look for the big things.
One large item for us is realizing that we are going to be out of debt, ready to serve a mission in four months. What a large blessing, made up of about one hundred little miracles that often go un-noticed. Just to name a large one, yet could go un-noticed: My back which was destroyed a few years ago, is in such good shape, as long as I am smart, it will permit me to serve the Lord as a missionary.
My daughter said that one of her small and simple things was her husband calling up in the middle of the day and expressing his love for her. Sleeping in until 9 one day is another one. Not having snow when you have to drive a distance.
Though there are hundreds of smaller miracles or tender mercies we need to go on a mission, we sort of have to depend upon large miracles and blessings. Is anything too tough for the Lord? Is there anything that He cannot do, or will not do? He is not controlled by the enormous size of anything. But whatever happens must be according to His will.
One small and simple thing that I enjoy and often receive every day is the feeling of peace and comfort no matter circumstances. Or in other words, the witness that I have a Father who loves me, answers my prayers, and sends such tender mercies into my life. If I can dwell upon that special small thing, then it will overshadow other obstacles and afflictions. Oh the small and simple things...
Perhaps instead of thinking of and praying for the great, large things, I am going to try to offer gratitude and think of the many, many smaller things that surround me. For instance: Health when we do not have any health insurance, protection while we drive too fast, not getting too fat when we eat too much sugar, realizing we are blessed with the events of each day, having a wonderful family, have a testimony of the truth, feeling the Holy Ghost give us comfort when other trials attack us, etc. There are so many smaller blessings in our every day life, but I do not recognize them, we most often look for the big things.
One large item for us is realizing that we are going to be out of debt, ready to serve a mission in four months. What a large blessing, made up of about one hundred little miracles that often go un-noticed. Just to name a large one, yet could go un-noticed: My back which was destroyed a few years ago, is in such good shape, as long as I am smart, it will permit me to serve the Lord as a missionary.
My daughter said that one of her small and simple things was her husband calling up in the middle of the day and expressing his love for her. Sleeping in until 9 one day is another one. Not having snow when you have to drive a distance.
Though there are hundreds of smaller miracles or tender mercies we need to go on a mission, we sort of have to depend upon large miracles and blessings. Is anything too tough for the Lord? Is there anything that He cannot do, or will not do? He is not controlled by the enormous size of anything. But whatever happens must be according to His will.
One small and simple thing that I enjoy and often receive every day is the feeling of peace and comfort no matter circumstances. Or in other words, the witness that I have a Father who loves me, answers my prayers, and sends such tender mercies into my life. If I can dwell upon that special small thing, then it will overshadow other obstacles and afflictions. Oh the small and simple things...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)